


𝐈𝐧 𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐜'𝐬 𝐄𝐲𝐞𝐬

by beautifulllyinpain



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Explicit Language, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Lee Hoseok | Wonho is a Sofie, M/M, Minor Im Changkyun | I.M/Yoo Kihyun, Past Rape/Non-con, Shy Hyungwon, bad boy wonho
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:53:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 38,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27359857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beautifulllyinpain/pseuds/beautifulllyinpain
Summary: Both Wonho and Hyungwon constantly live in their shadows of guilt towards each other every day.-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈
Relationships: Chae Hyungwon/Lee Hoseok | Wonho, Im Changkyun | I.M/Yoo Kihyun
Comments: 50
Kudos: 80





	1. 𝐈𝐧 𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐜'𝐬 𝐄𝐲𝐞𝐬

**Wonho,**  
In tragic's eyes  
I broke you  
But you came back to me.

Every day I see you and I think I know you, that you're my sweet precious Hoseok.  
But at the same time, every day I see you, I don't know you; I don't see my sweet Hoseok, I don't recognise the man standing in front of me even when he claims to be _you_ , Hoseok.

I loved you then, but it was wrong  
And I love you now because I surrendered.

In tragic's eyes  
I broke you  
And you changed because of me.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

 **Hyungwon,**  
In tragic's eyes  
They broke you  
And you lost yourself.

Every day I see you and I think you will _finally_ be okay, that you will have that glint in your eyes and your nose will be held high like you used to.  
But at the same time, every day I see you I know you'll never be the same; no more the days where you were so carefree and reckless, no more the days where you would shield me from danger.

I loved you then, but I was a wimp  
And I love you now because I am, _finally_ , deserving.

In tragic's eyes  
They broke you  
And I changed to save you.


	2. 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those already reading this story, I'm sorry for suddenly slipping this Prologue in but I felt like this part would work. Enjoy!

Hyungwon isn't an antisocial person, not until months ago.

"We could've waited until the actual university tour in June," Hyungwon says, more so whines as he keeps tugging at Minhyuk's sleeves when they reach the entrance of the university—the university both Hyungwon and Minhyuk will be attending in the coming months.

It wasn't a sheer coincidence that both Minhyuk and Hyungwon are going to be attending the same university considering that both their first and second choices when having to state the university of their choice were the same with the same reason (stating that they live relatively near to the university). It isn't exactly a valid reason but their impressive CGPA scores in high school clearly did make it much easier for them to get accepted.

Besides, there is the added bonus that they already have friends that attend this same university which makes it a whole less daunting—given that only Minhyuk knows who.

"Wonnie, you want us to wait all the way until June for the tour?"

Hyungwon just shrugs. If he's being honest, he knows he isn't looking forward to the university tour in June (which isn't mandatory and there's a high possibility that Hyungwon would skip that), but it is a good excuse to use now to not go on the tour now. Hyungwon would very much rather just stay cooped up in his room like he has done for the past months.

Sure, his mental state was deteriorating, and his social skills were diminishing, but it meant that he didn't have to face unnecessary anxiety attacks where it feels like his heart could just give out any moment. And these are usually (mostly) caused by human interactions.

"Going on the tour in June means going with complete strangers!" Minhyuk exclaims dramatically. Hyungwon scoffs softly hearing this.

"Please, you like meeting strangers. That is your one-way ticket to make friends," Hyungwon says with an eye roll.

"The point is, why wait for the tour when we can have a tour six months in advance? Plus it is all free!"

Hyungwon groans out loud in defeat because he knows that there is no other way to persuade Minhyuk out of this. One way or another Minhyuk will make sure that Hyungwon and he will go through this tour with  _ their  _ friends. Sometimes Hyungwon wishes that he can go back to the way he was to gain some kind of control over the situation he is in now, but he also knows that the Hyungwon before wouldn't be dreading to go on this tour. If anything the Hyungwon before would be the one dragging Minhyuk to be quick and it would be him who would do most of the talking.

The Hyungwon now barely wants to open his mouth and he isn't too keen on socializing unless it is with Minhyuk and whoever Minhyuk associates with (that is if Hyungown can get along well with them).

"They should be here soon," Minhyuk tells Hyungwon once they both stop by the lounge area that's just a little further down from the entrance. Minhyuk takes his phone out to check if he has any recent messages. "Kihyun told me that he and rest are all free during the third slot—whatever the third slot means."

"Kihyun?" Hyungwon questions, hearing the familiar name. It is now Hyungwon realizes that he doesn't fully know who these friends are that they are meeting, it has always been Minhyuk referring to them as  _ their  _ friends. But who are they?

"As in  _ Yoo Kihyun _ , the last year's school's class president?"

"That is the only Kihyun you and I both know."

"Who—Who else are we waiting for besides Kihyun?"

"Shownu hyung, Kihyun and—hold up, there's this other name Kihyun's mentioned." Minhyuk scrolled through his chat with Kihyun from a few days ago. "There's this name he said but I'm not too sure who he is. It's—umm—" Minhyuk's eyes scan the exchange of messages and finally spots the unfamiliar name.

"Ah! It's  _ Wonho _ ," Minhyuk says.

Hyungwon frowns.

"Wonho?" the taller repeats foreignly.

"I think it's a friend they made here? I'm really not sure. But yea, we're waiting for Shownu hyung, Kihyun, and  _ Wonho _ ." Minhyuk looks around, trying to search for some familiar, and not even seconds later he sees Kihyun, Shownu, and Wonho (Minhyuk assumes anyways) walking towards them.

"Speak of the devil," Hyungwon murmurs more to himself.

"Hyung!" Minhyuk calls out waving his hand. Hyungwon was about to hold onto Minhyuk, silently wanted to tell him to stay close to him because he feels like his heart, that is starting to pick up its speed, might just give out any moment and he knows he can only keep it at a tame pace with Minhyuk beside him. But Hyungwon couldn't get out a single word when Minhyuk is already hoping excitedly on his feet before he runs and hugs Shownu first.

That's when Hyungwon feels exposed. Him not being in the shadows of Minhyuk makes him feel so vulnerable and unsafe.

Hyungwon can feel his hands starting to shake but he clasps both of them tightly together and bite his bottom lip to stop his lips from trembling. Hyungwon hates this. He hates how he can literally feel his heart beating against his chest. He hates how he can feel his palms starting to get grossly wet from sweat. He hates how he can feel his eyes burning as they threatening to let his tears fall.

But Hyungwon holds it all in. He didn't want to make a fool out of himself, not in a hallway full of students, not in front of Shownu, Kihyun, and their new friend. And he certainly didn't want to embarrass Minhyuk.

So Hyungwon sucks it, the best he can really. His heart is still thumping painfully against his chest but thankfully it is only for his ears to hear. His hands didn't stop shaking, but they aren't as noticeable. His eyes are still burning but he manages to blink the tears away.

Hyungwon gives a wavered smile, one that barely reaches his eyes just as they finally approach him.

"Hyungwon, hey!" Kihyun greets with a bright smile. The shorter male goes up to him and gives him a hug to which Hyungwon instantly goes rigid, but he quickly shakes it off and awkwardly pats Kihyun's back a few times, hoping it'll pass as a (somewhat) hug.

He knew Kihyun, of course, they are friends from middle school.

Then comes Shownu with a smile as well. "Hey, Hyungwon-ah!" Shownu extends his hand for a shake and Hyungwon quickly rubs his right palms against his jeans before he shakes the older's hand.

He knew Shownu, of course, they are friends from middle school.

When Hyungwon's trembling gaze shifts to the other male whose tattooed arms are crossed against his chest and not even a hint of a smile is visible on his lips, he feels like crying, literally. He is scary; his gaze is piercing and his demeanor is so cold but he cannot understand why he has been staring at Hyungwon the whole time—like as if he knew who Hyungwon is. Hyungwon didn't want to believe this but now that he is near this built-male, he realizes that since when this male was walking down the hall towards him and Minhyuk, his gaze has been on him and only him.

_ Was he someone from  _ The Group _? _

But it couldn't be because Hyungwon has met every awful member in  _ that  _ group and he has not once seen this male before. Yet he looks so familiar, somehow.

Those lips. Those eyes.

Hyungwon's gaze falters away from those icy ones and they fall to the ground as he scoots a good distance away from this male.

"Oh my God, Hyungwon!" Minhyuk says, causing Hyungwon to jump from the sudden call of his name. His hand clasp over his heart as he looks at Minhyuk who stands next to the built-male and Hyungwon knows that he saw everything from the deep frown on his face.

"M—Minhyuk~" Hyungwon stutters, completely embarrassed at this point.

"No way! You won't believe who this is!" Minhyuk says, playfully hitting the other male's arm and Hyungwon wants to scream for him to stop because it looks like that male could slam Minhyuk's head against the lockers without the slightest hesitations.

"Minhyuk, I thi—"

"It's  _ Lee fuckin Hoseok _ !"

Hyungwon stills completely.

His breath caught in his throat as he looks at the said man in front of him whose gaze never once faltered from Hyungwon.

"Fuck man, how did you go from flimsy Hoseok to a Greek God like this?" Minhyuk states so bluntly without a single filter.

"You're shocked, aren't you? Believe me, Kihyun and I were too," Shownu says to Hyungwon when he notices how quiet Hyungwon has gotten. But Hyungwon couldn't properly process his words.

"Yo Wonho, why are you acting so shy? It's Hyungwon. Go on, talk to him," Kihyun pushes, nudging for the built-male to go forward. Wonho does take steps forward towards Hyungwon, blocking out the rest of them.

Hyungwon couldn't move.

He stays rooted in his place but his eyes follow the male—Wonho or Hoseok (like they said). And it seems like the world around him starts to blur when his only focus is now on the older male in front of him.

"Hyungwon..." the male breathes out, almost as though in disbelief. Hyungwon's heart stutters throbbingly alongside the already painful beats of his heart against his chest. When the male reaches forward to touch him, Hyungwon instinctively flinches away. He can see the evident hurt in those once icy eyes.

Minhyuk, who notices this, quickly goes to Hyungwon's side and Hyungwon clings to him.

"It's Hoseok, Wonnie," Minhyuk whispers softly as he gently rubs the taller's back for comfort.

Hyungwon couldn't believe it. The male before him looked nothing like the Hoseok he knew yet everyone around him says that this Wonho guy is him. This isn't his  _ sweet  _ Hoseok. This isn't his  _ kind  _ Hoseok.

_ Why are they lying to me? _

Everyone knew how much Hyungwon missed Hoseok since he left high school after _ the incident  _ and he's never heard of him since assuming that he didn't want anything to do with Hyungwon after everything to which Hyungwon understand—until today.

Hyungwon sucks in a sharp breath as he wills himself not to cry. He is already making a scene y acting so strangely in front of everyone, he didn't want to make it worst by crying and gaining the rest of the students' attention. He hates attention now.

"Wonnie, hey, look at me," Minhyuk pleads softly. Hyungwon hesitantly leans back and looks at Minhyuk. "It's Hoseok— _ your _ Hoseok. He will never hurt you." Hyungwon turns his head a little to look behind Minhyuk where Wonho stands not too far from them, looking at them sadly.

"I'll call him, okay?" Minhyuk says softly. Minhyuk turns to call Wonho and Hyungwon almost immediately tightens his clench around Minhyuk's shirt. Minhyuk holds onto his hand and slowly releases his hold.

"It'll be okay," Minhyuk reassures him and beckons for Wonho to come once again.

Wonho takes reluctant steps towards Hyungwon just as Minhyuk steps back to Kihyun and Shownu who have been watching the whole thing confusedly. They have so many questions arising with one of them being;  _ is this really the Chae Hyungwon we knew? _

"Hyungwon..." Wonho calls again and Hyungwon does flinch but not as hard as before. "Hyungwon, it's—it's me," the older says sadly, clearly hurt. "It's Hoseok," that came out almost like a whisper that's thickly infused with dejection. Maybe that is what made Hyungwon finally look up to Wonho.

"It's me," Wonho says again, begging for the younger to believe him. And Hyungwon takes a small step forward. And another. And another.

Wonho extends both of his hands for Hyungwon to take—if he will that is—and thankfully he does, but Wonho doesn't immediately close his hand around Hyungwon in order to not frighten him because he realizes how on edge Hyungwon seems  _ now _ . Instead, he waits as Hyungwon places his hands on the older's and slowly curls around the much larger and warm ones.

Wonho can feel how much Hyungwon's hands are shaking. He curls his own hands around Hyungwon's and gently pulls him over slightly closer. Hyungwon stares up at him, eyes so wide and lips parted in utter disbelief.

The last time either of them saw each other was at the hospital almost two years ago. Neither of them knew what to make of this sudden reunion. They aren't prepared. Yet they feel a small sense of relief having seen each other with their own eyes, having to touch each other with their own hands.

"H—Ho—Hoseok?" Hyungwon stutters out badly.

"Yea?" Wonho says with a nod, coaxing him to go on, a small smile gracing his lips and Hyungwon recognizes that smile.

"Hoseok..." Hyungwon says this time like he's trying to properly grasp the situation before him.

"I'm right here, Hyungwon."

Hyungwon brings one of his hands up to the older's face where his face structure has changed so much since he last saw him. His thumb lightly grazes over the older's eyebrow as it travels down to caress his cheek that is so much fuller now before they go down to his lips.

"I've missed you so much," Wonho tells him and Hyungwon's heart stutters once more because Hyungwon had missed him tremendously too, every day.

He knew ~~Hoseok~~ Wonho, of course, they are  _ friends  _ from middle school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this!💜


	3. 𝟏

Tattoed fingers lightly trace the back of the younger's naked skin from the back of his neck all the way down to his spine where he circles miscellaneous patterns on his waist as he leans in to place a chaste kiss right between the younger's shoulder blades. Despite the light, feathery contact the younger still sleeps peacefully, completely oblivious to the world around him.

Wonho smiles down endearing at Hyungwon who's arms are placed under the pillow he sleeps on while facing the older male's side. He couldn't help the fond smile that only grows on his lips watching the younger so peaceful in his slumber. To be honest, as long as the younger is always happy and peaceful, Wonho can happily form the smile on his face with his heart feeling as light as ever knowing his Hyungwon isn't suffering—not anymore.

He then carefully moves away the comforter that is covering their naked bodies and he leans down to pamper butterfly kisses all around the younger's squeezed cheek to wake him up. Hyungwon shuffles a little but it isn't much to wake him up as he mumbles something incoherently in his sleep before being grunts out causing Wonho to chuckle lovingly at his lover.

Wonho tries once again, this time nuzzling his nose lightly against the younger's cheek before planting a few kisses. Hyungwon grunts once more and grabs the bedsheet to cover himself up once more. "Co—lff..." the younger mumbles displeasingly and snuggles deeper into the warmth of the comforter.

"Hey love," Wonho whispers against the younger's ear and place a kiss there too. "We need to get up or we'll be late." Wonho didn't care for class attendance especially not for the fact if he'd show up late but he knows that Hyungwon does and that is the only sole reason why he goes to university earlier, just so Hyungwon doesn't arrive late to any one of his lectures.

Hyungwon shuffles a little before his eyes start fluttering and open slightly to peak through his lashes at the older male who only ever greets him with a warm smile in the morning. He fists the comforter and drags the material up with him as he sits up slowly against the headboard being careful with the mild stinging he feels down his lower body.

Wonho moves closer to him as he watches Hyungwon gather his breathing, mentally preparing himself for the day ahead. This isn't anything new; Wonho knows that Hyungwon needs a few moments of silence with his own buzzing thoughts especially in the morning where he tends to get bombarded by worries upon worries that are really unnecessary when he really takes the short moment to think about them. All Wonho can do hold onto one of Hyungwon's hands and caress the soft skin with the pad of his thumb while he waits for Hyungwon.

The younger finally turns to the side to see Wonho looking at him patiently. He eases his thoughts by pulling away his focus from his mind to the gentle caress on his hand, enjoying how real and safe he feels. He feels safe and that's all that matters. The moment he is in now, being here with _Wonho_ , that's what matters—at least that's what Hyungwon tries to convince himself with.

He then leans his body forward and rests his forehead against Wonho's chest where the older immediately envelopes him into his strong arms, taking this as a sign that Hyungwon needs physical assurance now.

Wonho had experienced almost every day to know exactly when and how to soothe the younger male, The first few times when they had newly moved in together did scare Wonho because he didn't understand why Hyungwon was so withdrawn from him in the mornings and why the younger would suddenly slip into a daze when he starts a conversation in the morning to attempt to help the younger. It's through talking and months of understanding did Wonho finally knew how to handle situations like this where Hyungwon feels so utterly vulnerable with his own body and mind (and it's not the good kind).

When he feels Hyungwon surrendering himself closer to Wonho that's when the older male dips his head to plant lingering kisses on the younger's bare shoulder as he pulls him closer to his body.

"It's just me and you," Wonho whispers, and Hyungwon responds by nodding his head meaning that he fully comprehends the older's words which is a good sign. Wonho gives one final on his shoulder then leans back to see the younger who's doe-like eyes instantly looks into his.

"Good morning, love," Wonho says, grazing his thumb over the younger chubby cheek—a feature he really loves.

"Morning," Hyungwon mutter sleepily. "I really don't want to go to class today." Wonho pouts playfully hearing this because it isn't like his boyfriend to want to simply skip class unless there was a valid reason.

"Love, you have that presentation today," Wonho gently reminds.

"Exactly," Hyungwon sighs out nervously. Just the mere thought of walking in front of the huge lecture theatre to present his findings is already nerve-wracking what more when it's only just the thoughts now. He knows he'll be a sweating-anxious mess when it's his turn to walk up to the front and talk.

Wonho understands. Hyungwon isn't fond of crowds or being the center of attention—not anymore that is. He used to. Oh, Wonho remembers those days a few years ago when Hyungwon, without even trying much, would instantly steal spotlights after spotlights in school and Hyungwon back then would gladly bask in all the attention he got whether I'd be negative or positive. If Wonho is being honest, sometimes he does miss _that_ Hyungwon—the Hyungwon who wasn't afraid to stand up for himself, the Hyungwon who loved all the attention he got and was a social butterfly, the Hyungwon that protect _Hoseok_.

But who's to say that Hyungwon didn't miss the Hoseok back then as well? Wonho doesn't know this just like Hyungwon doesn't know that Wonho misses the old him too. They both share everything together—no secrets as they promised, except maybe this one little secret, more so a thought that they both can only phantom as guilt.

When they finally reach the university it's almost as though the sweet Wonho Hyungwon saw this morning did not exist, like he's just a figment of his own imagination because Wonho has anything but a soft smile on his face as soon as the both of them get out of the car. His expression is blank with his eyes slightly narrowed together and his lips in a thin lip which gives off an intimidating vibe enough for people to not approach (unless they are his friends who could care less).

Wonho's arm is secured around Hyungwon's tiny waist protectively as they both walk over to Wonho's locker first since it's the closest. While Wonho takes his things Hyungwon had his head down on the paper he has written his presentation on, reading it over and over again but still not being able to get a single thing into his head. Hyungwon is frustrated with himself. He wants to cry for all he cares but he knows that crying in the middle of the hallway will only bring (unwanted) attention to himself which is really the last thing he wants. Besides, he rationalized that crying wouldn't suddenly help him remember his presentation better.

Hyungwon was so lost in the thought of memorizing that he hadn't realized Wonho was done taking his things until the older kisses one of his cheeks. Hyungwon's head snaps up confusedly, looking at the older.

"We've practiced yesterday, love. You'll do amazing," Wonho tells him softly. But hearing this only has Hyungwon's eyes watering from the mere gentleness and even faith the older has on the younger who has none. Wonho notices this and instantly frowns, bringing Hyungwon into his arms hugging him tightly. Hyungwon sniffles with his heart rate only escalating by the passing minute as it's getting closer to the moment he needs to stand in front of a room full of people. His heart is beating so hard that Wonho himself can feel it against his chest. He rubs hands up and down the younger's back to try and ease his nerves.

Looking at Wonho at this moment, it really does look like he's a lovesick puppy seeming as to how fast he drops his intimidating facade whenever he's with Hyungwon. Truthfully, it is so easy for the bad boy's facade to wither away and let his walls crumble at the foot of his lover. And it is only with Hyungwon that people around the university even get a tiny glimpse of moments where it shows that (maybe) Wonho isn't as cold as he portrayed himself to be.

It's all because of Hyungwon and only Hyungwon alone.

But Wonho never minded that people saw his vulnerable side whenever he is around Hyungwon because above anything else in his life he is so fucking proud to call Hyungwon _his_ after all these years of pining and he wouldn't trade anything for it.


	4. 𝟐

Hyungwon's hands visibly tremble as he makes his way to the front of the lecture hall and walks over to the small podium where he needs to stand to present his findings for today. His shaky hand makes it a little hard for him to plug in the hard drive into the USB slot. After what seems like an eternity, he finally pushes the hard drive in and lets out a quiet shaky sigh of relief.

Hyungwon's trembling gaze lifts up hesitantly to the filled lecture hall and instantly his heart hammers against his chest observing the many pairs of eyes sole on him and he hates it. He tries to remember back to the years where he didn't mind the ogling eyes on him, he tries to remember what it feels like to be the center of attention, how he used to love it. But when he did get a speck of that feeling he used to love the instant crash of wave-induced trauma instantly floods him and that's when the fear consumes him once more.

He hates this. He hates standing in the front and he hates that he has to do this for ten long minutes. Call him dramatic, but it feels like the seconds are only stretching longer than they are supposed to as he stands in the eyes of every judgmental being in this room.

"Go—Good afternoon. I'm Chae—Chae Hyungwon," Hyungwon starts oh-so horribly, voice shaky and uncertain of his own abilities. "Today—erm—today I wi—will be presenting on _Social_ —I'm sorry, I mean on--on _Abnormal Psychology_." Hyungwon mentally curses at himself for almost messing up the whole entire topic of what his presentation is based upon.

"I will be foc—" Hyungwon stops midway when the lecture hall's door at the far back opens and he sees the male he did not expect to see in this class.

Wonho slips in quietly to the closest seat near the door and his gaze hasn't once faltered away from Hyungwon the moment he caught it. Wonho gives him a reassuring smile, mouthing, _"You've got this, love."_ And Hyungwon believes him.

Hyungwon sets his eyes solely on Wonho, trying to block out every other pair of eyes on him.

"I'm—I'm sorry. I will be focusing on—on _Anxiety_ ," Hyungwon introduces his topic and really it cannot get any more ironic. Hyungwon had scoffed when he received the assigned topic a few weeks ago because really he is simply a walking definition of Anxiety where a PowerPoint presentation really isn't needed when they have a whole anxiety-prone Chae Hyungwon attending this class.

Hyungwon would occasionally read off the slides in front of him and sometimes he would look back to the front only to focus on Wonho who only ever smiles at Hyungwon feeling so immensely proud of his lover for the courage he has to get up there alone and present all by himself. When Hyungwon finally finishes, he hastily thanks everyone, pulls out the hard drive and scrambles his way back to his seat.

Hyungwon holds his heart, trying to calm down the hammering beats against his chest while he tries to ease his anxiety along with it as well.

Wonho mindlessly stands up from his seat at the back and walks over to where Hyungwon sits, giving little to no care if the lecturer identifies that he doesn't even take this class. Thankfully the set beside Hyungwon is empty and so the male slips in easily. Wonho gently caresses the back of the taller's neck which causes Hyungwon to jump, momentarily forgetting that his boyfriend has slipped into this class moments before.

Hyungwon's eyes almost instantly gloss with unshed tears from sheer relief both from the presence of his boyfriend and the fact that he had finally gotten over the godforsaken presentation he had been dreading the whole week. Wonho sees this, brings his hand over the younger's cheek, and grazes his thumb over the smooth skin before leaning in to place a chaste kiss on his plump lips.

"You did so well, love," Wonho praises softly, smiling never faltering even an inch.

Hyungwon only shakes his head as he remembers back every single mistake has made while presenting, whatmore the stuttering and misspoken words he had said all because his nerves got the best of him.

Hyungwon is so focused on his mistakes that he fails to see the brighter side that is managed to give a presentation until the end, that he didn't stutter as much as he usually would (which of course he thanks Wonho for), and that he didn't let get his emotions get the best of him where he had the option to just run out of the lecture hall and breakdown.

"I messed—messed up so many t—times," Hyungwon mutters dejectedly. It really breaks Wonho's heart to see Hyungwon's self-confidence so low that he barely believes in anything he does anymore.

"You did, but you kept going, my love. You didn't let your mistakes stop you and you've finished it. I'm so proud of you, you know? That was really brave of you." Wonho pads his thumb over the younger's eyes to wipe the tears clinging to his lash line. "Don't cry, love. Believe me, you did well." Hyungwon lets out a shaky sigh and finally nods lightly.

Wonho leans in to plant a kiss right between the taller's brows and Hyungwon closes his eyes, basking in the older's comforting scent and overall warmth he gives to him.

"I gotta go now, love. I'll see you after class, okay?" Wonho tells him gently. Hyungwon's heart does drop hearing this. Hyungwon knows with just a request, just one simple sentence Wonho would not hesitate to stay with him until this class ends but he wouldn't want Wonho to miss his classes, especially not for him.

With one last kiss on the younger's lips, Wonho sneaks his way out from the way he came from with the lecturer, who's completely engrossed with the current student presenting, not noticing the entry and exit of one of the university's troublemakers.

Hyungwon's gaze follows all the way to the door and watches it close with his heart sinking. He feels pathetic for feeling this way even when he knows there's about an hour left before he can meet Wonho again but somehow he feels so vulnerable being alone. He never knows what will happen and things aren't exactly predictable when he's alone which he hates the most. If he were to be with Wonho even if the event of the day would be close to unpredictable there's always one thing he could hold onto to reassure his anxious beating heart which was his security; no matter what he knew Wonho would protect him and keep him safe.

Now, in a room full of people who he knows that a good percentage of them already hate his guts for associating with Wonho and the other minor percentage that just has bad blood with Wonho, Hyungwon feels exposed. He slides down in his seat with his backpack clutch against his chest, praying for the hour would go by so much faster than when he was presenting upfront.

Hyungwon tried to pass his time by writing down notes on the other's students' presentation (with a few miscellaneous doodles here and there and the corners of the pages) and eventually the time does pass; not as fast as he likes it to but not as slow as he was dreading when he was presenting. When the lecturer announces that the presentation will continue the next day, that's the queue for Hyungwon to start packing. He shoves his things into his backpack carelessly and zips it up then sling it over his shoulder before dashing out of the lecture hall.

Once he reaches out of the door, Hyungwon searches frantically, whipping his head both to the left and right several times, swiftly scanning through the mild crowd around him. When Hyungwon turns his head to the left once more he finally spots a familiar brunette headed male with a stone-cold demeanor, walking through the crowd and it's almost as though the ripple of anxiety coursing through him eases slightly—that is until a student purposely bumps against him, ripping his entire focus away from the older male. Hyungwon's knees buckle as he falls forward but fortunately, he manages to stabilize himself with the locker in front of him, arms extending to stop himself from falling to the floor.

"Move out of the way, _weirdo_ ," the student grumbles before walking past Hyungwon.

Wonho had of course spotted Hyungwon standing right outside his lecture hall, his heart warming watching his lover. He also takes note of his anxious gaze desperately searching for him which does squeeze his heart, making his strides towards his lover much quicker. But he also sees the moment the male who had intentionally bumped into Hyungwon, he knows the guy had said something because Hyungwon's expression faltered momentarily but he couldn't make out what.

This only boils his anger that someone (still) dares mess with Hyungwon and people especially like to take advantage of that when Wonho isn't around him.

Wonho clenches his fist and he stomps past the crowd, pushing people if he has to, so he can get to Hyungwon quicker. Just as he reaches the younger, Hyungwon is already standing as he rubs his palm against his jeans to try and ease the slight pain from the sudden sharp impact.

Hyungwon is taken by surprise when his wrist is grabbed only to realise his boyfriend has finally reached. Hyungwon couldn't be anymore happier that really he had even forgotten the fact that someone had bumped into him and called him a 'weirdo'. But Hyungwon's smile quickly falls when he sees Wonho's deep frown embedded onto his forehead as he checks Hyungwon's palm. 

Wonho icy glare looks into Hyungwon's unsure eyes and the younger knows that his boyfriend had seen what had happened— in conclusion: that's not good. The thing is Wonho is much more vengeful than Hyungwon. If there is a problem at hand Wonho would very much like to solve it rather than just leave it be with his choice of weapons being physical altercations or verbal arguments. Hyungwon would rather not deal with the problem at all if given the options; if there ever was one, he would simply ignore it and hope (and pray) it won't come chasing him in the future.

One fate day had taught him never to go meddling in businesses that didn't concern him and certainly to not find trouble even when you think you can handle it.

"Does it hurt?" Wonho asks, tone flat but it drips with venom. Hyungwon can only shake his head, indicating _'no'_. "Don't lie. It's red," Wonho points out, eyes narrowing at his boyfriend.

"It doesn't hurt," Hyungwon finally speaks, voice so very soft.

Wonho gives him one last dubious glance before he turns to the direction where the supposed male who had bumped into Hyungwon had left off to. Hyungwon instantly knows what is running through Wonho's mind, he's been with him long enough to discern the other's every move especially when instances like this frequently happen.

People call Hyungwon a freak, a weirdo if you must because he's not like Wonho and because he is with someone _like_ Wonho, who is the total opposite of him. People don't understand, more like they can't comprehend how..or even _why_ they are together. They try to find the little things that they have in common but nothing they found did ever make sense, it didn't connect the dots of how two polar opposites could be together.

Wonho is wild and rough, Hyungwon is soft and shy. Wonho intimidates everyone while Hyungwon is an easy target for some people to push around. Wonho is loud while Hyungwon is quiet, barely speaks a word if not needed.

They have nothing in common yet they are seen together every chance they get and they are so incredibly infatuated with each other.

"Ho—Hoseok, no," Hyungwon stops the older, grabbing onto his arm and tugging at him back.

"Hyungwon, I just want to see who it is." And it's a lie—a partial lie—because yes, no doubt Wonho will _see_ who it is but he will also do more than just _"seeing who it is"_. The last thing Hyungwon wants is for Wonho to get into another fight, not that it is inevitable, but he tries to stop the older as much as he could. As much as Wonho does listen to him, there are few bad habits that the older couldn't compromise with Hyungwon—getting into fights is one of them.

"No," Hyungwon says, a bit sternly. Wonho is stubborn but Hyungwon can be stubborn when needed.

"Hyungwon—"

"I said: no, you will not go after him."

"I won't get into a fight," the older tries to reassure but this only has Hyungwon rolling his eyes. "What? You don't think I'm capable of _just_ talking?" Wonho retorts.

"As a matter of fact, yes, you are not capable of doing that," Hyungwon bluntly tells him.

"Excuse me?"

"Can you just drop it, please?" Hyungwon asks, feeling mentally exhausted. When he sees the adamant facade on the older Hyungwon knows it won't be easy to persuade someone as strong-willed as Wonho.

Hyungwon sighs tiredly before wrapping his long arms around the older's waist, resting his head against his chest. Wonho's body is rigid at first before he, too, sighs and wraps his own arms around the younger. They didn't say anything, not for a while.

"Are you okay?" Wonho whispers the words into the younger's ear. Hyungwon lets out another sigh and nods his head against his chest. "I'm sorry I was late, the lecturer held me back because I was gone for so long during class."

"That's what you get for skipping class," Hyungwon mumbles, slightly muffled from the older's shirt against his lips but Wonho caught every word of it.

"For you, it's worth it."

Hyungwon lets out a soft snort as he leans back slightly to look at the older male who's gazing down on him.

"Thank you for being there," Hyungwon tells him sincerely. Even if it was a small, trivial action, Hyungwon is so grateful. Wonho smiles down at him.

"Anything for you." It was a sentence Hyungwon had taken so lightly years ago that he now, these past few years, only came to understand to what degree the older actually meant it. 


	5. 𝟑

Hyungown isn’t exactly paying attention to this one class he dreads every week. To be honest, he isn’t even sure why he had let both Minhyuk and Kihyun convince him to take this extra credit class when he didn’t need to — especially an extra credit class that mostly consists of group work which he isn’t always too fond of.

“So, I want you all to get into groups of six and discuss how your group will explain what the  _ six thinking hats _ are,” the lecturer instructs which had Hyungwon immediately grunting as he slides down in his seat in pure annoyance. 

Both Kihyun and Minhyuk are already up on their feet as soon as the lecturer dismissed everyone to find their own group mates and start the discussion for next week’s presentation. Hyungwon, who hides his face behind his bag, meekly peers up to look at Minhyuk who smiles down at him with a hand extended out for him to take. 

“Come on,” he beckons. 

“I’d rather just stay here. The seat is surprisingly comfortable today,” Hyungwon tells him.

“You told Kihyun the same thing last week,” Minhyuk states. 

“No I didn’t,” Hyungwon mumbles. “I told him, the seat was soft last week.”

“Which equivalents to comfortable—”

“ — Bold of you to assume — ”

“Yea yea — ” Minhyuk cuts him off as he grabs the taller’s wrist and pulls him to his feet without much resistance. “Look, I think Kihyun found us a group. You can tell me the rest while we make our way there.” Hyungwon looks down by the stage where some students have already formed their own groups. He stops his chestnut-haired friend talking to one of the group and already he feels the dread sinking in his stomach. 

Minhyuk drags the taller along with him, down the steps and almost to the group they saw Kihyun talking, until the said male walks away with an obvious scowl on his face. It’s no surprise what that scowl meant because it’s pretty much the same ol’ answer each time the three of them tried to find a groupmate. 

The thing is they could separate and find a group on their own but the first time they did that only led to Hyungwon being shunned away by every group possible until Minhyuk forced his group mates to take the taller one in. When Wonho heard about this, of course, the male was furious and he had since then told (more so threatened) both Minhyuk and Kihyun to not leave Hyungwon alone like that again. And so it is either Hyungwon pairs with Minhyuk or Kihyun to find a group or the trio goes together (which seems to be most of the cases now). 

“What absurd reason did they give now?” Minhyuk retorts, narrowing his eyes towards the group Kihyun was just at.

“Said one member went to the restroom so they only needed two more members.” Minhyuk rolls his eyes at that statement, knowing very well that the possibility of it being false is very likely. 

“You both can join the group,” Hyungwon mutters, letting out a tired sigh. 

“And let Wonho murder me? Aww, Wonnie, I’m hurt you care so little for me,” Minhyuk teases as he loops his arm around the taller’s arm. 

“You mean, murder  _ us _ ,” Kihyun rephrases, clearly displeased and irritated. He continues to look around finding groups that seem to be lacking _ three members _ which should be clear to see now considering most of the groups are filled up to six members. 

“Look!” Minhyuk points to a group a little far off the corner. “Maybe we can join them.” Kihyun just shrugs and follows right behind Minhyuk who’s already dragging Hyungwon with him. 

It’s not that Kihyun minded this running around trying to find a group that they all could be in together since he knows it’s better if either he and Minhyuk are together with Hyungwon, if not both of them (and it’s  _ mildly  _ because of Wonho’s threat against them) but it’s mostly because he knows how much Hyungwon hates being left by himself especially in a class he never wanted to take but ended up taking because both he and Minhyuk insisted. 

Kihyun, just like the rest in their friend group, has known both the Hyungwon in the past and the Hyungwon  _ now  _ and yet he still can’t seem to phantom how someone could make a whole three hundred sixty degree change in personality after one incident. Whenever he talks to Hyungwon he recognises him, almost like he hasn’t changed for the most part, but it is when he is put in an open situation where the public is concerned, that is when Kihyun sometimes finds himself questioning if that really is the Hyungwon he and his friends knew. 

Kihyun doesn’t know the full extend of what truly happened and he knows better than to ask either Wonho and Hyungwon who have always kept private and get a little too defensive about it, but Kihyun has his own stance; just because he cares for Hyungwon and is friends with him doesn’t mean he fully agrees to the person he is now. 

When they had reached the group of three people, it was Minhyuk this time who had talked with the presumed group leader and more so forced her to accept all three of them since the other groups were already occupied. 

Right from the gecko, it is pretty clear that they didn’t mind having Minhyuk and Kihyun in the group but they also made it painfully obvious that Hyungwon isn’t welcome in their group as well. 

Hyungwon might be a quiet person now and he might hate group work with a burning passion but he is not one to stay completely silent in group work. For the most part, Hyungwon will be quiet but he will give input if and only if it’s needed, other than that he would be more than happy to accept whatever the group leader assigns him to do. 

But of course, Hyungwon has never expected any group work to be easy sailing, especially the ones he is in considering it is moments like this (moments where Wonho isn’t with him) that people tend to take advantage of. 

“Hyungwon you should at least give some sort of suggestion instead of being so quiet,” the group leader, a blond, retorts with irritation. 

Hyungwon gapes at her incredulously because for the last ten minutes he has been trying to give his own opinion on what the group should do but neither of them gave him the chance to properly talk. 

“I tried but — ”

“What about drawing the six hats on the cardboard?” another one suggests, a brunette, purposely cutting off the taller male and Hyungwon instantly seals his lips. Minhyuk sighs then squeezes Hyungwon’s hand that was placed on his lap. Hyungwon lifts his defeated gaze up to his friend and Minhyuk offers him a kind smile.

“Tell me what you were going to say,” Minhyuk whispers to him encouragingly. 

Hyungwon leans in and whispers back, “I —I wanted to suggest that we could maybe do a short skit?” Minhyuk’s eyes light up as he leans back to show an approving nod.

“That’s a great idea, Wonnie!” Minhyuk exclaims. Hyungwon gives him a small grateful smile.

“The teacher did say that it isn’t compulsory to use the materials up front,” the blonde speaks, bringing both Minhyuk and Hyungwon’s focus back to the group discussion. 

“Guys, Hyungwon has a really good suggestion,” Minhyuk speaks up, gaining everybody’s attention. Hyungwon does notice the beady glares from both the blonde and the brunette in the group while the other student (seemingly new) looks at him with confusion. 

“Oh? So you’re finally going to speak?” the blonde chimes, thick with sarcasm. 

“Thought  _ he  _ was mute or something,” the new student adds in a whisper which she intentionally did a tad bit louder. 

Hyungwon, of course, heard it but he isn’t as offended as he should be because he knows they're right to think he was mute from how quiet he has become. Hyungwon couldn’t blame them when this is how he presents himself to everyone for the most part. 

Kihyun however, hearing this, clenches his fist in exasperation, narrowing his own eyes towards the leader for her unnecessary tone of sarcasm towards Hyungwon. Minhyuk notices this and he knows Kihyun isn’t one for holding back on his words (unlike himself) especially when he is upset or annoyed and so he quickly holds onto Kihyun’s fists. Kihyun snaps his head to look at Minhyuk and Minhyuk shakes his head, telling him to just stay quiet.

Kihyun heaves out a heavy sigh before muttering, “Bitch,” under his breath. 

“Well?” the leader snaps, getting slightly impatient with the taller.

“I —Well, I was thinking maybe, you know, we could—erm—do a skit of some sort to you know—”

“A skit?” the brunette cuts in halfway. Hyungwon stops talking altogether, taking this as his queue to shut up as he nods complacently. 

“A skit seems a little redundant, don’t you think?” the new student remarks. 

“Redundant?” Hyungwon questions confusedly.

“It _is_ redundant,” the blonde supports. 

“But we could make it within five minutes and we don’t need to—”

“It’s redundant because we’ll be spending unnecessary time after class hours to film a video for a stupid five-minute presentation,” the blonde snaps, shutting Hyungwon up altogether. When she sees the taller moving slightly back to lean against his friend a small smirk plays on her lips in sick satisfaction. 

“Why ask for his fucking opinion when you’re not even going to fully listen to it,” Kihyun states. The blonde opens her mouth to defend herself but Kihyun beats her to it. “You told him to give his suggestions and when he does you just point out all the drawbacks to it instead of fully taking his idea into consideration. So really, there isn’t a point in him saying anything at all. He might as well stay quiet this entire time, right?”

The blonde doesn’t respond. She just rolls her eyes and looks away from Kihyun whistles mumbling something incoherently to herself before she faces the rest of the groupmates, completely disregarding what Kihyun had told her. 

“We’ll write a brief explanation of each hat on the cardboard” the blonde finalizes. The brunette agrees. “And as Kihyun suggested earlier, we can even draw the six hats differently according to their colours.”

“I say doing the cardboard art  _ is  _ redundant. We won’t even be using it after next class,” Minhyuk inputs but it falls deaf to the leader’s ears when everyone else (except Kihyun who is fuming and Hyungwon who is silently watching other groups) agrees. 

“Great! Hyungwon, could you go and get the cardboards and some markers?” Hyungwon’s attention is brought back and he hastily nods his head, getting up, and walks to the front of the lecturer’s desk to grab the supplies needed. 

“I still don’t understand what Wonho sees in that guy,” the brunette starts once Hyungwon is out of ears’ reach, giving a dirty glance towards Hyungwon who is busy picking markers for them. This causes both Kihyun and Minhyuk’s eyebrows to raise.

“Why does Wonho and Hyungwon’s relationship concern you anyways?” Kihyun asks bitterly as he crosses his arms against his chest with his eyebrows furrowed. 

“It’s just, he can do so much better, you know? Instead of settling for someone like  _ that _ .”

“Wait,  _ that  _ is Chae Hyungwon?” the fairly new student of the class questions, almost in utter disbelief. She makes a double take towards Hyungwon at the front before looking back at the circle with her mouth hanging open. 

This causes the blonde to scoff. “Unfortunately.”

“Wow. I thought he must’ve been someone great if he is dating Wonho but looking at him now — It’s underwhelming more than anything.” 

“You really have a lot of shit to say considering you barely know Hyungwon,” Minhyuk claims, narrowing his eyes towards the new student.

“I mean, like what she said, I expected someone better since Wonho’s dating the person.”

“Come on, you can’t seriously think that Wonho is actually with that guy for who he is,” the blonde asserts. “Just look at him.”

Kihyun and Minhyuk do, they do look at Hyungwon but not in the ways the eyes of the public does. To everyone Hyungwon is just straight out weird, a quiet freak who gets nervous/scared over the littlest things. They don’t give him the time of the day to really get to know the taller and if they do they would know that Hyungwon is kind, funny, sometimes stubborn but most importantly he is loving —and there is no doubt that Hyungwon loves Wonho as much Wonho loves Hyungwon.

“Maybe he’s a good fuck?” the new student implies. This seems to rile Minhyuk up hearing such indecent words about his friend. He slams his palm onto the wooden-floor creating a loud  _ ‘boom’ _ that catches everyone’s attention.

Hyungwon, coming back to his group with the supplies needed in his arms, stops momentarily as his eyes train on the heated conversation going on in his group and he can only assume that it’s about him (if not about both Wonho and him) because why else would Kihyun and Minhyuk look so angry to the point that they are just about ready to tear three heads off the bodies before them. 

Sometimes Hyungwon wishes things didn’t end up this way after the incident—it’s not that they all knew what happened but the notable changes in both Hyungwon and Wonho was enough to conclude that something really, really awful had happened. He wishes his friends wouldn’t get so defensive when people insult him or he wishes that Wonho wouldn’t go out of his mind trying to get into fights with anyone who tries to hurt him. 

Yes, Hyungwon is defenseless now more than anything but that doesn’t mean he wants his friends, or even lover for that fact, to defend him because they’ll only end up getting hurt; this is a guilt Hyungwon carried then and he will always carry now. 

  
  
  



	6. 𝟒

Hearing the lecturer (finally) tell everyone to pack up is probably Hyungwon’s most favourite line. He happily keeps his things in his bag then waits (rather impatiently) for both Kihyun and Minhyuk to pack their things before they all make their way out to which they are immediately greeted with a stone-cold-faced Wonho. Everyone mostly avoids running into Wonho’s way considering the glare itself that he gives is threatening enough, but Hyungwon only smiles, and that too much wider now, upon seeing his lover already waiting outside his lecture hall. 

Instinctively, once he sees Hyungwon, Wonho’s posture relaxes a little; gaze fully focused on the younger with a small tug up his lips as he watches how Hyungwon runs to him. 

Hyungwon loops his arms around the older’s neck and hugs him close, easing his own body that has been previously tense throughout the whole three-hour lesson. Wonho circles his own arms around his lover’s small waist, hugging him tightly as well and inhaling his much sweet scent that he loves. He is sure to place a kiss at the side of Hyungwon’s neck before placing another quick one on the taller’s lips.

The younger pulls away beaming; he is just so happy to be out of that class and in arms, he is familiar and feels completely safe in. And Wonho cannot help the bubbles bursting in his chest witnessing his lover smile  _ this  _ much to be with him. The older dips his head to claim Hyungwon’s lips once again for a proper kiss this time because he simply couldn’t stop himself. 

He is lovesick, completely, utterly lovesick and he isn’t even embarrassed to show it in front of the whole school.

“How was class, my love?” Wonho asks, fingers lightly tracing the younger’s cheek before pushing his long black strands behind his ear. Hyungwon lets out a loud sigh of just sheer exhaustion thinking back to the last three hours of class he had just had. 

When he had returned back to his group with his supplies, as Hyungwon predicted, both Minhyuk and Kihyun were bickering with the rest of the groupmates about him, but he didn’t know the full context of what they were bickering about and he very much wasn't interested in the least bit. If anything, Hyungwon wishes that people would just stop bringing up topics about him (and Wonho) especially in front of his friends who are very defensive — and especially in front of Wonho who is the least bit forgiving. 

“Group work can go suck my ass,” Hyungwon mumbles in utter displeasure. Wonho snickers hearing this because this isn’t the first time he has heard the younger complaining about group works especially from the class he had just recently got out of. He remembers how much Hyungwon had wanted to murder both Minhyuk and Kihyun for being so annoyingly persistent about taking this extra credit class with them. 

Wonho, with a mischievous glint gleaming in his eyes, leans into the younger’s ear and whispers. “I’d rather be the one sucking your ass.” Hyungwon stops in his tracks as he chokes on his spit and simultaneously Wonho stops as well. He notices how the younger’s cheeks are tinted red causing his grin to grow. 

“C — Can you not say things like that when we’re in public,” Hyungwon harshly whispers, filled with embarrassment. 

“Oh come one, I know you love it,” Wonho teases. 

And Hyungwon’s cheeks turn another shade darker. He can’t hide this fact even if he wanted to because his cheeks betray him so easily. 

“Okay, okay, break it up! No dirty talking in the hallway,” Minhyuk interrupts, clapping his hands loudly in front of the couple.

“We’re not dirty talking,” Hyungwon mumbles, throwing a glare at Minhyuk’s way. 

“Tell that to  _ your  _ fucking red ass cheeks and  _ his  _ stupid grin on his lips knowing he’ll be getting laid tonight,” Kihyun retorts with a scoff. His brows are scrunched in slight disgust.

“Excuse me I do not get laid,” Wonho says. “ _ I  _ make love to Hyu — ” Hyungwon gasps and quickly covers Wonho’s mouth with his palms, eyes so wide with his cheeks a prominent tomato-red at this point. 

“We do not need to hear about your sex life,” Minhyuk exasperates. He then grabs onto Hyungwon’s wrist and pulls him out of Wonho’s grasp.

“Hey!” the built male scolds. 

Minhyuk sticks his tongue out as he drags Hyungwon away and into the direction where the cafeteria is with Hyungwon complaining along the way to slow down from all the running. 

Wonho grumbles and ends up walking alongside Kihyun who is taking his own sweet time following along the trail of Minhyuk and Hyungwon to the cafeteria as well.

Once Wonho enters the cafeteria he spots both Minhyuk and Hyungwon already seated at their normal table and this only prompts his stride to be quicker. Wonho wraps an arm around the younger’s waist as he takes his seat right beside him. Hyungwon didn’t need to look up to know that it is Wonho holding him; his strong grip, not too hard but not too soft either to let him slip away keeps him grounded. 

Soon Kihyun joins in, taking his seat just beside Minhyuk and they all settle into a comfortable conversation of what the three of them learned in their previous. It started when Wonho had asked Hyungwon what he had learned in an attempt to lighten his mood from having to work in groups (again) to which the younger answered, “The six thinking hats” —more so irritatingly mumbled.

“I’m definitely the  _ Blue Hat _ ,” Kihyun said once they've gotten into what the six different hats are. “I’m much more of the organizer and controller.”

“I’m the  _ Yellow Hat _ ,” Minhyuk says, to which the shorter of the four scoffs.

“Yea, no shit.”

“What about you, love?” Wonho asks, turning to Hyungwon who had been silently listening to what his friends were talking about this whole time. 

“I’m the  _ Invisible Hat _ ,” Hyungwon answers nonchalantly. Wonho looks at him, wondering if he is serious with his answer because from what he recalled they hadn’t once mentioned anything about an “Invisible Hat”. 

Minhyuk and Kihyun chuckle at the taller’s answer, not really thinking much about it but Wonho on the other hand stares at him unsurely.

“That’s an actual hat?” 

“It should be,” Hyungown says with a shrug. “If there was an  _ Invisible Hat _ , it would fit me well, don’t you think?” Wonho understands what the younger is trying to imply, saying that he barely stands out in group works or is only needed when things need to be taken, but Wonho didn’t like hearing this one bit.

“Did the group work not go well  _ again _ ?” Wonho asks his friend instead of Hyungwon knowing the younger will only try to brush it off like he always would. 

“Why would you think that?” Minhyuk questions tightly. 

“Hyungwon’s grouchy,” Wonho points out, nudging towards his lover who rolls his eyes. 

“I’m not grouchy,” Hyungwon snaps defensively. 

“What happened?” Wonho questions warningly, eyes going back and forth between Minhyuk and Kihyun and they both know that they can’t simply walk away from this table until they say something.

“Just the usual, you know?” Kihyun starts. “No one really wanted him to be in their groups and—”

“But no worries, we managed to sneak him in with the group we were in,” Minhyuk interjects, cutting short whatever Kihyun wants to say because he knows that Kihyun would say much more than really needed (to which will only leave Hyungwon on edge because really the last thing the taller wants is for them to tell everything that had happened in that three-hour lesson). 

“Yeap!” Hyungwon buds in, forcing a wide smile to show Wonho but the older is anything but convinced. The older lets it slide for now because he doesn’t want to upset the younger anymore than he already is about today’s group work. 

“Anyways, I’m going to go get a drink,” Hyungwon says, standing up from his seat. “Do you want coffee, sweets?” Hyungwon asks, looking down at the older. Wonho hums, mildly beaming up to Hyungwon. Hyungwon smiles back, leaning down to peck his lips before walking away to stand in line. 

Wonho’s eyes follow Hyungwon until he sees him safely lining up at the counter then he turns back to his other friends, expression changing to a stern narrowed at the both of them. 

“Besides those classmates that refuse to let Hyungwon in their groups, did anything else happen?” Wonho asks lowly. 

It is Kihyun who speaks up first and it is also Kihyun who didn’t share the same view as Minhyuk (and Hyungwon for this case) considering he didn't mind spilling whatever happens to Hyungwon without much consideration. 

“For the most part it was okay,” Kihyun says with a shrug.

“What do you mean?” Wonho presses impatiently. 

“I mean, since you weren’t there they took that as an advantage, you know? They bully him in the subtlest way possible; like they would intentionally make him walk up and down multiple times to the front of the lecturer’s desks to get supplies and when Hyungwon has some ideas to offer they simply just brush him off.”

“ Kihyun did snap at them.”

“But what was the point?” Kihyun grumbles. “His idea was good but they didn’t want to use it just because of their stupid pride.”

“Anything else?” 

“No —”

“Yes—”

The both answer differently simultaneously and Minhyuk mentally grumbles at Kihyun’s stubbornness. 

Minhyuk quickly shakes his head but Kihyun has more to say. Minhyuk grabs his thigh, squeezing to stop him. They could tell Wonho the insults people say behind Hyungwon’s back (not that the older was oblivious to it) but Minhyuk knows this will only fuel Wonho’s anger even more and keeping his anger detained is something Wonho isn’t good at doing  _ now _ . 

Besides, it’s not like Kihyun isn’t aware of Wonho’s outrage especially when it concerns Hyungwon.

“I’m not fucking blind. I saw that,” Wonho states. “Are you both going to tell me or do I have to find it out on my own?” And they both know the alternative is a pretty ugly process.

“They talk like always,” Kihyun says. “They talk shit like why you’re with someone like Hyungwon or saying how you could probably do so much better than him. They even —” Kihyun stops midway just as he sees Hyungwon walking back to their table with the drinks in his hands.

Wonho frowns, displeased by the abrupt pause but soon realizes that the younger is back when he places his  drink right in front of him. Wonho eyes the drink before exhaling out heavily, not wanting Hyungwon to see him this worked out. 

“Sorry sweets, they didn’t have Americano today so I got you Cafe Latte instead.” Wonho takes a sip before wincing slightly from the large sip of sweetness he took, rotting his teeth. 

“With caramel drizzle?”

“A little dash of sweetness!” Hyungwon exclaims. “Unless it tastes horrible, then I can go buy you a new — ” Wonho stops him by pecking his lips, smiling reassuringly. 

“I forgot to stir the drink so I got a huge sip of caramel. It’s fine, love. Thank you.” Hyungwon nods, taking a sip from his own drink.

The older then suddenly wraps his arm behind Hyungwon and pulls him close to plant a kiss on the side of his head. “You know you’re amazing, right?” Wonho tells him and Hyungwon nods, not because it was simply corny or that Wonho has said it so many times that it’s just a meaningless statement now, but because Hyungwon truly believes Wonho. 

For the past two years, Wonho has been nothing but sincere towards him and he never gave Hyungwon a reason to doubt him. He knows how long the older had been loving him even before they got together because Hyungwon was the same; he remembers how much his heart bled wanting more than anything to accept the older’s love back then but couldn’t —not because he didn’t want to but because he thought he was doing the right thing by staying _ ‘just friends’ _ , he thought he was protecting Won—Hoseok.

“You know I love you so much, right?” Wonho whispers next and Hyungwon hums whilst sipping his drinking, offering the older a smile because yes, Hyungwon knows very well how much Wonho loves him. 

“I love you so much, too, Hoseok,” Hyungwon reciprocates and it is enough for Wonho’s heart rate to escalate. 

Their attention is brought back when the bell rings, indicating the end of lunch period. 

“I gotta get going now, I have Accounting soon,” Kihyun says, standing up in his seat with his bag slung on his shoulder.

“Actually, Hyungwon and I have to go too,” Minhyuk says, looking at Hyungwon. The aforementioned male perks his eyebrows up at that. “Remember? Second-year students need to collect their university t-shirt today.”

“Actually, Hoseok already collected it for me this morning,” Hyungwon says bashfully. “Sorry, Min.”

“No worries, Wonnie,” Minhyuk reassures, standing up as well. “I’ll see you both after class?” Both Wonho and Hyungwon nod to that.

“Alright, then. See you both later!” Kihyun bids, already walking away without waiting for Minhyuk, not that he had a reason to wait anyway considering he is a Third-year student and has no activity that concerns the Second-year students for now. 

Minhyuk, who sees Kihyun walking way ahead of him, quickly jogs to catch up with the shorter.

“You really need to learn when to shut your mouth when needed,” Minhyuk remarks once he’s beside Kihyun. The said male gives him a terse glance, not really bothering with what he just said. 

“It’s either he finds out from us or from other people; which would you rather?” Kihyun counters. 

“ _ Hyungwon _ would rather neither,” Minhyuk simply answers. 

“I’m just trying to be a good friend.”

“To _who_ exactly?” Minhyuk questions, stopping both of them.

Kihyun mildly glares at him then answers, “Wonho.”

“To Wonho or to Hoseok,” Minhyuk rephrases.

“To  _ Hoseok _ ,” Kihyun answers without the slightest hesitation. 

It is from this one answer that Minhyuk can already tell who’s side Kihyun is on. And from the way Minhyuk tries to conceal everything, it is also clear whose side Minhyuk is on.

Kihyun has always been adamant that it was Hyungwon’s fault for dragging Wonho into his mess in the first place while Minhyuk always thought that Wonho was the stupid one to be so foolishly in love. 

But even so, they couldn’t say anything to Wonho and Hyungwon because they all know how long they’ve been painfully pining for each other. Back then they had reasons to not be together, and even if they have thousands of reasons now, they know they simply couldn’t stay apart from each other, not after what happened to them. It’s almost as though they both need each other to heal and they are, slowly.

Now that they finally get the chance to be together, their friends can’t say anything because they simply didn’t have the heart to. 

“Look, he asked what else those idiots said about Hyungwon and I told him. I don’t see why you’re so pressed over it.”

“Hyungwon already feels bad as it is. You know he doesn’t want Wonho going around fighting people because of him.” Even if Kihyun has mixed emotions about the whole situation yet wherever he stands is pretty clear and he is adamant that it’s Hyungwon’s fault for changing Wonho into the man he is now. 

“It’s Hyungwon’s fault to begin with,” Kihyun mumbles and then walks away. 

Minhyuk can’t say anything after this even when he has his own opinion because this is what their group has become. They are together but divided by their own opinions about the incident and neither Wonho and Hyungwon know about this. 


	7. 𝟓

_Hyungwon walked up the familiar steps to the rooftop where his suspicions had ended up leading him to once he had checked every other place he could think of. Hyungwon wasn't scared of what will happen but he was worried about how the older was doing considering Kihyun had told him that he had left two classes before looking sad and he had not shown up for his last class._

_When Hyungwon pushed the door he had his fingers crossed, hoping to see the petite sweet boy sitting by one of the benches alone._

_And Hyungwon sighed almost instantly when he saw the familiar petite male, sitting by the bench near the potted plants with his head hanging low and feet dangling aimlessly._

_"Hoseok," Hyungwon called._

_Upon calling his name, the aforementioned boy snapped his head up to look at Hyungwon, and Hyungwon's heart sank, seeing his eyes bloodshot and glassy from unshed tears. He went over and took a seat beside Hoseok, a hand rested on the older's back, rubbing him for comfort._

_"What's wrong?" Hyungwon asked softly, carefully, because he knew how sensitive Hoseok gets especially when he was upset. "Kihyun told me you looked so sad and that you bunked your last class? That isn't like you, Hoseok."_

_Hyungwon saw how the boy's eyes that are already filled with sadness slowly start to fill with hesitation as well._

_"I failed Maths again," Hoseok told him after much mental debate, knowing that it was just Hyungwon_ _—_ _his Hyungwon who was always so understanding and never once judged him for anything._

_"Oh, Hoseok~" Hyungwon wrapped his arms around the other's smaller frame, pulling his side closer to him._

_"I_ _—I don't understand..." Hoseok stuttered. The male looked up to Hyungwon who was already looking down at him, patiently waiting for him to say more. "I tr—tried—I really, really studied but wh—why is it not enough?" Hoseok asked so sadly that it broke Hyungwon's heart just hearing the sheer dejection in his voice._

_"Hey now," Hyungwon said gently, turning Hoseok in his arms to make sure the older's attentive eyes were focused on him. "Just because you failed a few times doesn't mean you won't ever pass it."_

_"But—I'm not doing any better," Hoseok huffed._

_"Then maybe you should change your approach when it comes to studying Maths," Hyungwon told him. "Have you tried asking for Shownu hyung or Kihyun's help?" Hoseok hesitated once again before embarrassingly shook his head. "Why not?"_

_Hoseok's head dropped. He didn't know how to admit to the other that he was simply embarrassed to ask for help especially when he knows that Hyungwon would eventually find out one way or another. He wanted to be good—not that he wasn't already (attitude-wise that is), but he wanted to be good in other things as well; he wanted to prove to Hyungwon that he wasn't some weakling who constantly needed guidance from their friends (or some stranger) to get by._

_It was stupid. He knew that; even Shownu and Kihyun had told him that multiple times before that it was stupid to want to try and act 'tough' in front of Hyungwon because really there wasn't any reason to._

_Yet Hoseok felt compelled to do so._

_"Hoseok?" Hyungwon said, bringing the older back from his daze. Hoseok shook his head a little before his eyes trained back at Hyungwon's concerned ones. "You know Shownu hyung and Kihyun are more than happy to help you, right?"_

_Hoseok nodded a little._

_Hyungwon stared into those kind eyes that never failed to warm his heart with his slim fingers lightly caressing the side of Hoseok's face. Hoseok was too precious to this world that he does all he could to protect him, he does all he could to make him happy and to simply just be there for him, to comfort him because Hyungwon loved how his heart fluttered whenever he saw the smile broke from the older's shy lips._

_"Asking for help isn't a bad thing," Hyungwon started. "Just like how your results don't define who you are as a person. Just because they are bad it doesn't change the fact that you're the sweetest person I know, the kindest soul I've ever met."_

_But Hoseok didn't like that about himself. He didn't like how he was_ too _sweet,_ too _kind. He wondered what good were those qualities anyway, it wasn't like he had made a significant impact on anyone's life by being such a_ good _boy._

_Little did Lee Hoseok know._

_"I know that look," Hyungwon stated. "Don't ever doubt yourself, okay?"_

_"What's so good with being sweet and kind?" Hoseok asked softly, eyes pleading despondently with Hyungwon. Hyungwon cupped the other's cheeks between his palms delicately and smile at him._

_"What's so_ wrong _with being sweet and kind?" Hyungwon countered tenderly. "I like that about you, you know?"_

_Hoseok's eyes visibly widened._

_"Y_ _—You do?"_

_Hyungwon chuckled at his adorable cluelessness then leaned down to kiss the other's cheek affectionately, a habitual thing between these two friends, yet somehow Hoseok's chest always seemed to bubble up and he was almost always positive that his cheeks would be tinted pink at least._

_"I do. I love that very much about you, Hoseok."_

_Hoseok didn't like the fact that he was passive—too sweet, too kind for anyone's good, but for Hyungwon's sake, he was willing to embrace this part of himself, the part that Hyungwon loved because he_ loves _Hyungwon._

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

"Love, don't be so worried. It was just a stupid presentation," Wonho says, trying to comfort his lover who had just received his grading for his individual presentation. Hyungwon lets out a heavy sigh filled with dejection, his gaze only focusing on the red marking on his screen that's taunting him mockingly that he's barely taking any note of what the older had said.

Wonho shakes his head, taking the younger's phone away from his hands and turning it off before shoving it into his own pocket. Hyungwon whines as he looks up to the older who shakes his head once again, gaze softening. Wonho brings his tattooed fingers up to the younger's face to push away the bangs that had fallen on his face.

"What good is it going to do if you keep staring at it?" Wonho asks softly, mildly rhetorical. Hyungwon looks away in shame. He knew he had screwed up his presentation but still, he had not expected such a horrible grading for it.

"Love, come on," Wonho coaxes. But he doesn't get a response from Hyungwon who is now staring blankly ahead of them in the semi-crowded hallway of Block C in the university. "Okay, tell me how much is the percentage for this presentation."

"Ten percent," Hyungwon mumbles.

"See it's _only_ ten percent weightage. You can still make up for it with your other assignments," the older encourages with spikes of optimism but the younger isn't convinced, not when he had seen the entire course outline of this subject to know that that wouldn't be his _only_ presentation that is weighted.

Hyungwon looks back at him with just a pout, clearly not happy with the older's attempt at making him feel better. "Hoseok, I still have another two presentations that are weighted, and if I already did so horrible in my first one, how sure are you that I won't be the same for the next presentations?"

Wonho however stills keeps the smile on his face staring down lovingly at his lover who just needs a little more push of confidence to help him through _—_ just as how Hyungwon had done for him back then.

"But love, how sure are you that won't get better by the next presentations?" Wonho counters. Hyungwon pouts even more.

"Hoseok _—_ " Wonho stops the younger by placing a peck on the younger's lips. He wraps his strong arms around the younger's waist and closes the proximity between them so Hyungwon can look at him and _only_ him. The younger rests his hands on the older's chest, staring at him with anticipation and doubt swirled together.

"Don't doubt yourself, okay?" Wonho tells him softly. Hyungwon's eyes did widen hearing these words because it is familiar _—_ a little too familiar.

When Hyungwon had told him these words back then it was filled with so much certainty and the words themselves were filled with much hope _—_ and just that.

It isn't that these words aren't filled with those now considering it is the older saying it this time, but there is sadness laced in these words as well that if you strain your ears hard enough you can hear the heartbreak in his tone because the memory is still vivid in his head.

Hyungwon curls his fists against the older's shirt, not too sure how to answer him. His eyes are desperately searching through the older's dark orbs and he can almost recognize the male in front of him, he's positive he sees _Hoseok_ looking right at him oh-so sadly, and that causes the slight ache in his heart.

"Love..." Wonho calls so softly, tenderly, trying to ground the younger once again from whatever haze he's entering. Hyungwon blinks a couple of times and he still focuses on the older's eyes filled with so much love _—_ and _kindness_. It's almost as though Wonho (the persona created) isn't the one holding him right now, but it is _Lee Hoseok_ himself.

He's seen the love in the younger's eyes back then and he sees the same love in his eyes now.

When Wonho sees the haze slowly fading from the younger's eyes as they try to properly focus back on him, the older sighs softly, leaning down to kiss his forehead in relief.

"You're okay," Wonho whispers against the younger's forehead. "You're okay, my love."

Hyungwon doesn't nod or respond in any other way that he fully understands that he is okay. Instead, he grazes his thumb over the older's cheekbone which causes Wonho to look at him. Hyungwon stares at him a little while longer, eyes tracing his features that had very much changed from a few years back.

Hyungwon's eyes finally stop at the older's eyes, so familiar yet so foreign.

"I've always loved you, Hoseok," Hyungwon says, taking Wonho completely aback by that sudden statement. "I wish _—_ " he stops then lets out a sigh. "Ilove you. I _—_ I've always loved _you_."

"I love you too," Wonho says as well and he doesn't question further. He brings the younger in for a hug to which he responds almost immediately by wrapping his own arms tight around the older male, squeezing him for warmth and comfort. Wonho places a few kisses on top of the younger's head as he feels him slowly relax in his arms.

Wonho can still remember his little scrawny self getting comfort from Hyungwon years back through hugs, shy platonic kisses (on the cheek), and how his words always stuck to him, guiding him through those difficult times where he had battled with the insecurities within himself.

The thing is, Wonho had never seen this coming. He had never thought all those years that both he and Hyungwon would ever get their roles switched someday; where it is now _him_ protecting the younger and that it is him nurturing Hyungwon's shattered dignity and overall broken self-confidence. 


	8. 𝟔

Hyungwon hits Jooheon another time as his dimpled-friend continues laughing, feeling rather proud of his own antics.

"That is not funny, you asshole!" Hyungwon hits his arm another time.

"Your reaction is golden and that's all that matters," the dimpled-male exclaims.

"Jooheon you and your stupid mouth couldn't just wait to whisper your nonsense to Changkyun? You had to do it now?" Hyungwon grumbles, glaring with irritation.

"Why wait when I have you right now?"

"Do you want to help me scrap my brain to find the melody I lost? Because I had a fucking good one going before you so _rudely_ interrupted."

"No thank you," he chirps as he gets up from his seat, slinging his bag over his shoulder. Hyungwon lets out a loud sigh as he, too, gets up to leave the classroom with his friend.

Joooheon had whispered some random nonsense into the taller's ear while he was softly humming to a melody coming along in his head. Hyungwon had planned to repeat the melody a few times to himself so he can (successfully) write it down in his music book, but of course his dimpled-friend had to make sure that he gets a good beating or two at least once a week from the taller male to feel like he has accomplished something significant.

Now, Hyungwon is scrambling his brain all over trying to get at least a hint of the melody he got going moments ago but to no avail did the same melody return. Instead, new unfamiliar melodies start swirling that just fits in weirdly with whatever melody that is already playing in his head.

"So Wonho's meeting you now?" Jooheon queries as they make their way to their lockers. Hyungwon discards the melody in his head completely before shaking his head indicating _"No"._ This comes as a mild shock to Jooheon since it's not every day that Hyungwon walks around the halls without the company of Wonho.

"Hoseok had to meet up with his club members so I'll be seeing him a little later," Hyungwon explains. Jooheon mouths an 'O' and nods his head.

"You know, I still wonder why he doesn't want us to call him 'Hoseok' anymore," Jooheon tells him nonchalantly.

"He hates it," Hyungwon mumbles, feeling slightly uneasy that this specific topic is brought up.

"I know and he gives us all so much shit for not calling him _'Wonho'_ , yet you still call him _Hoseok_..." Jooheon trails off. "I guess I shouldn't be too surprised, it's _you_ anyway." Hearing this, Hyungwon's head lowered in shame. It isn't that Jooheon meant it in a bad way, he just said what he knew all this while; that Hyungwon can pretty much get away with anything when it comes to Wonho because the older male is just that doted on Hyungwon.

"Don't say it like that..." Hyungwon mutters softly.

It's not to say that Hyungwon has the privilege to still call him Hoseok just because he is his lover, but it's the fact that he fought with Wonho about this matter, refusing to call him a name the older gave himself simply because he hated his old name. Hyungwon doesn't hate that name, he loves that name and he had fallen in love with the boy behind that name and to suddenly change it because the male hated it isn't something Hyungwon would agree to. It may seem petty but it's personal, the name itself holds so many fond memories as well as guilt he couldn't simply ignore and let go.

They fought. They fought for days with Hyungwon being as stubborn as Wonho but eventually, the older gave up. Wonho gave up because he simply couldn't win against Hyungwon who he realized was really, really upset with it all. That's not to say that the older didn't hate the name a little less now, but he thinks it's a way for him to embrace that name (even a little) with his lover always calling that name with so much love and endearment.

"It's not anything bad, Wonnie," Jooheon lightens, hooking his arm around the taller's neck. "It just proves how fucking whipped Wonho is for you," Jooheon states lightly with a chuckle, but Hyungwon doesn't laugh at this because that was not the case at all. "Look, Changkyunnie," Jooheon points to the first-year student by his locker.

Just as the two second-years approach the first-year they see him grunt in frustration before he slams the locker shut. Jooheon then leans into Hyungwon's ear to whisper, "How much do you want to bet it's because of Kihyun."

"Please, Changkyun doesn't have any regards for his grades. He only ever gets this worked up because of him," Hyungwon quietly retorts with an eye roll. Hyungwon doesn't know which one is more agonizing to watch; watching Changkyun abuse his innocent locker like that or to watch two idiots so blindly in love with each other but are so oblivious about each other's feelings.

Jooheon snickers before leaving Hyungwon's side to go hug the younger boy who clearly looks like he needs some kind of comfort. Changkyun hugs the male back, complaining something incoherent into his chest to which Jooheon simply nods and pats his back.

"I don't think your locker deserved such aggression," Hyungwon says with an eyebrow cocked at the younger male. Changkyun turns his head against Jooheon's chest to give the taller male a short glare before going back to bask in Jooheon's comfort which is pretty much soaking in the warmth of his hug because really, Jooheon himself doesn't know how to exactly coax the boy unless it was Kihyun himself present, confronting him about both their ridiculousness.

Hyungwon then lets out a soft gasp when he feels a pair of strong arms circle around his waist, pulling him against a hard chest, and then feels a pair of soft lips plant a kiss on the side of his neck. The younger unconsciously smiles as he cranes his neck to look up at the older already smiling down at him.

"Hi Love," Wonho greets, smile only widening since he is now able to hold Hyungwon in his arms.

"Hi, Sweets," Hyungwon beams, mirroring the older's smile since he is now in the safe arms of the older. Wonho gives the younger a few pecks on his lips and one on his forehead before their attention is brought back to Changkyun who is trying to get a point through, making aggressive hand gestures to Jooheon whose eyes are wide and mouth just gaping looking clueless as ever.

Hyungwon sighs and holds onto Wonho's arms to step out of them. "I have to talk to him," Hyungwon tells the older and Wonho understands. Hyungwon walks closer to Changkyun, opening his arms for him to fall into and the boy doesn't hesitate to do so. Hyungwon quietly shushes the boy and tells him to pour whatever he is feeling to him while he listens attentively whilst rubbing one of his hands up and down the younger's back.

"Man, Hyungwon sure does have the patience to deal with all that," Jooheon states incredulously as he approaches Wonho. "The old Hyungwon would never put up with all this bullshit considering his mood swings back then." The built male lets out a chuckle because he knows exactly what his dimpled friend means and he has also seen how patient Hyungwon had gotten over the years.

"He does live with me. I can only imagine his patience started from there."

"You're right. Plus, he's dating you which makes a whole lot of sense where he learned his patience from," Jooheon adds cheekily. Wonho slaps the other's arm.

"Excuse me!"

"You are excused," Jooheon replies with his palm right in front of Wonho's face.

Wonho disregards the subject altogether when he turns to look at his lover who seemed to have calmed Changkyun down and is now talking. He watches how Hyungwon gently cards his long fingers into the younger's hair while he listens to him talk. A small smile graces his lips unknowingly.

"Is it about Kihyun again?" Wonho asks Jooheon, swiveling his attention back to his dimpled friend.

"Why else would he be _this_ upset?" Jooheon retorts whilst shaking his head at the younger's state.

"They are both so painfully blind," Wonho mumbles, letting out a weary sigh. Wonho doesn't know the full extent of what Changkyun is feeling but he figures it couldn't be so far off from what Kihyun is feeling as well considering he goes to Wonho and Shownu to pour out his feelings about Changkyun.

Just then they see Kihyun coming towards the both of them while waving his hands. Jooheon waves back and Wonho gives a nod of acknowledgment.

"Just so you know, you and Hyungwon were no different," the dimpled-male whispers to Wonho as he drops his hand to the side. Wonho frowns at this. "And if anything, you both were even more painful to watch," he adds with a tint of sadness that Wonho manages to grasp.

"Who was painful to watch?" Kihyun questions just as he reaches them. His attention is then brought to the two males a few feet away from them in each other's arms, talking. "And what kind of deep conversation is going on with those two?" Kihyun now points his finger at Hyungwon and Changkyun who have yet to notice his presence.

"They're about to sing Kumbaya," Jooheon quips.

"What?"

"Nothing. Wonho hyung will fill you in. I have to go to class now. Bye!" Jooheon hastily bids and just like that he walks off disappearing amongst the body of students leaving a confused Kihyun and a pondering Wonho.

Kihyun tries to read their lips, trying to catch whatever it is they're saying and he soon knows it must be something serious because he sees Changkyun's chest rising and falling a little more perceptible than Hyungwon's and then he sees the younger boy wipe his eyes with the back of his hand which only makes him conclude that Changkyun is/was crying. If so, why? It only breaks his heart knowing that the younger boy must be going through something so overwhelming that he ends up crying and he wishes that he could be the one to comfort him.

Wonho on the other hand tries to comprehend what Jooheon had told him.

_'If anything you both were more painful to watch'._

Was he referring to his desperate pining for Hyungwon in the past? Was he so obvious back then of how much he loved Hyungwon that he pitied him? Did he perhaps pitied Hyungwon too for being so helpless with his feelings back then? Or was he talking about the incident, and how it changed both of them? But if it was the latter it didn't make much sense because besides him and Hyungwon, only Minhyuk—from their friend group—truly knew what happened that day and he knows Minhyuk isn't one to rat out to their friends about something _this_ big.

"Changkyunnie~" Kihyun calls, bringing both Hyungwon and Changkyun's attention—as well as Wonho's attention—to him. Kihyun walks over to the young boy who sniffles quickly and discreetly tries to wipe his eyes dry. Kihyun's small smile drops when he notices the younger's faint bloodshot eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asks, brimming with concern. The younger's gaze peers up a little to meet Kihyun's gaze through his fallen bangs before they drop back to the floor, head turning away from him as well.

"Accidentally poked my eyes," Changkyun mumbles and Kihyun doesn't believe him, of course, but he leaves it be seeing how reluctant Changkyun is right now in front of him.

Kihyun gently rubs the younger's back and says, "Be careful next time, okay?" even when he knows Changkyun is lying. It is still a form of comfort, if not by his words then by his small action, and it is enough for Kihyun—he hopes it's enough for Changkyun.

Kihyun then turns to look at the couple not too far away from them. Wonho catches his eyes and he nods, coming closer to him with Hyungwon in his arms.

"You're all free now, right?" Kihyun asks and everyone simultaneously nods.

"I don't have class until the fourth slot," Wonho says. "And Hyungwon's done for the day." The younger smiles at the older appreciatively for telling his schedule.

"How about Minhyuk and Jooheon? I know Shownu has classes until the last slot today."

"Minhyuk and Jooheon both have classes until the fifth slot," Hyungwon informs.

"What about you, Changkyunnie?" Changkyun jumps slightly, completely taken off guard by the nickname and God forbids his heart to jump out of his chest because it is beating so hard especially after Kihyun calling his name so sweetly like that.

"I—I only have class at the last slot," Changkyun answers softly, lowering his head a little from the blush he feels creeping up his cheek.

"Great! I have classes at the last slot too," Kihyun chimes, grinning at Changkyun who quickly shies away feeling his cheeks getting a little warmer. "How about we all go for frozen yogurt since we have about two slots to kill?" Kihyun suggests.

Wonho wanted to decline, giving the excuse that he would rather (very much) spend his remaining two slots with Hyungwon alone, but the words didn't manage to leave his lips when he saw his lover profusely nods his head to what Kihyun had just suggested. Hyungwon then cranes his head to look up to Wonho with a beaming smile.

"Frozen yogurt sounds nice, right Sweets? Minhyuk told me he tried this flavour—what was it... Ah! _Cake Batter_ and he said it was so fucking good," Hyungwon rambles on.

Wonho didn't have the heart to turn down this offer, not when Hyungwon's eyes are literally sparkling talking about a flavour he wanted to try after one of their friends said it was good.

That's how all four of them ended up at the frozen yogurt shop not too far from their university. Both Kihyun and Wonho offered to order for Changkyun and Hyungwon respectively. Kihyun had, of course, asked Changkyun beforehand what the younger's preferred yogurt choices were and he simply said anything Vanilla so Kihyun orders French Vanilla since that was the only Vanilla flavour in this shop and he got himself Chocolate.

While Wonho is very much well-versed with what Hyungwon likes and dislikes so he got Cake Batter (like Hyungwon mentioned) and Salted Caramel (his favoured) and Wonho went for Cheesecake.

Wonho goes back to their booth first with Kihyun following shortly after behind. The built male sees Hyungwon sitting next to Changkyun, both engrossed in a conversation, and he internally groans at the fact that he won't be beside the taller male. He specifically remembered leaving Hyungwon to sit in front of Changkyun, not beside him.

He slides into the booth where he now sits right in front of Hyungwon and places his frozen yogurt in front of him.

"Thank you, Sweets," Hyungwon says. Wonho gives him a soft smile.

Kihyun slips into the booth and sits beside him and gives Changkyun his frozen yogurt. The younger sheepishly thanks Kihyun and Kihyun internally cooes at Changkyun, smiling so wide that the crinkles around his eyes are obvious.

They all eventually settle into a comfortable conversation, first talking about their frozen yogurt flavours then jumping to their universities which somehow have them landing on a random debate of whether a broken mirror would cause seven years of bad luck or not. Eventually, the opinions on that debate divided Hyungwon and Changkyun into the team that believes so while Kihyun and Wonho don't and this somehow left Changkyun and Hyungwon to dwell in another conversation altogether, the same goes for Kihyun and Wonho who divert the topic of conversation to Accounting.

"You're drooling," Kihyun whispers, looking up from his phone after replying to a text only to notice Wonho's lingering gaze on Hyungwon all while a small smile plays on his lips fondly.

"I'm admiring," Wonho retorts.

"Admiring _while_ drooling," Kihyun adds.

"Like you wouldn't drool if you had a beaut like Hyungwon in front of you," Wonho huffs.

"I would, no doubt, but I already have my eyes set on someone else."

"Oh?" Wonho mocks since he very well knows who.

Kihyun didn't think to answer the other anymore and Wonho couldn't be bothered after that as well as they both stared with so much admiration at the two males interacting with each other in front of them, respectively.


	9. 𝟕

_The scrawny boy lifted his index finger and poked the younger's puffed out cheek that was squished between his pillow. Hoseok pouted even more when Hyungwon barely moved with his attempt to wake him up after his long nap. The older was getting bored waiting for Hyungwon to wake up._

_"Wake up," Hoseok whined, poking Hyungwon's cheek again. The younger groaned. He shuffled a little under the thick comforter covering him before snuggling into his pillow deeper, slipping back into his slumber than actually waking up._

_"Hyungwon~"_

_Hoseok leaned in to the younger's face and he took the moment to admire how_ peaceful _, in a while, Hyungwon looked sleeping like that. He gently swept the younger's fallen hair off his eyes and tucked it behind his ear. A faint smile curved up his lips as everything that had happened just hours before faded away. Somehow he believed he would be okay_ _—the moment when he had gotten beaten up did not seem too bad now because he believed this, whatever situation he and Hyungwon were in now, it wouldn't last. It shouldn't last because he would make sure that Hyungwon got out of this sticky situation he brought himself in._

_He would be okay. He and Hyungwon would be okay. And he really, truly wanted it to be so. If not next week, or next month, he hoped it would somewhere in the near future._

_If only he knew—if only_ they _both did._

_Hoseok was brought out of his daze when Hyungwon's arm laid across Hoseok's back. Hyungwon curled in his arm and pulled Hoseok close to him. Hoseok let out a soft yelp just as both their noses touched. Hyungwon's eyes fluttered open slowly and a small smile graced on his lips._

_"Did I sleep long?" Hyungwon asked, voice still laced with sleep. Hoseok pouted and nodded his head and Hyungwon internally cooed at the male._

_"One hour," Hoseok replied. "You told me you would only sleep for thirty minutes but you slept for an hour!"_

_"M'sorry, Hoseok," Hyungwon apologized, letting out a heavy sigh. Hoseok quickly shook his head._

_"It's—It's alright."_

_Hyungwon smiled. "Such a precious, sweet boy," he said, so soft, so faintly but Hoseok caught each word. Those were words he hated about himself yet those are the characteristics Hyungwon loved about Hoseok._

_Suddenly, the smile on Hyungwon's lips dropped into a thin line as his eyes narrowed to the bruise forming on Hoseok's delicate cheek._

_"Who did this to you this?" Hyungwon asked softly, thumb grazing over the faint bruise. Hoseok reluctantly moves his face away from Hyungwon which cause the younger to frown even more._

_"Hoseok," Hyungwon said sternly now, tone indicating that he will not leave this matter until he gets a believable answer._

_Hoseok, instead of answering, held onto Hyungwon's hands and brought it to his chest with his pleading eyes now looking into the younger._

_"No one did, really," Hoseok answered, desperation laced in his voice because the last thing Hoseok wanted was Hyungwon to confront those dangerous students about him. It was bad enough that Hyungwon was mixing in the wrong crowd, he didn't want the other to get on their bad side because of him._

_"Hoseok, don't lie to me," Hyungwon said, wanting to sit up but the smaller male pulled Hyungwon back down, hugging him close to stop him._

_"I_ — _I accidentally hurt myself," he whispered timidly. "I promised you, didn't I, to come to you when someone is troubling me?" Hyungwon gave him a skeptical look, clearly not as convinced as Hoseok hoped he would be._

 _"I trust you, Hoseok," Hyungwon said, letting out a defeated sigh. "I_ only _trust you." And it's the way Hyungwon said it that settled uncomfortably on Hoseok's chest for the lie he just told. But he did it for Hyungwon's sake, and that was what he tried to reassure himself with._

_Hyungwon leaned his head back against the pillow to properly look at Hoseok, quietly staring at him with so many emotions pooling in his eyes that he didn't know which was much stronger. He then brought his thumb over the same faint bruise and lightly grazed it once more, watching to see if Hoseok reacted to the pain and he didn't._

_Hoseok was still, only, staring at him. His eyes were speaking volumes when his mouth doesn't._

_"Why are you looking at me like that," Hyungwon whispered tenderly, caressing Hoseok's cheek softly._

_"You're looking at me the same," Hoseok said in the same hushed tone._

_Somehow, being this close with one another, even when it wasn't their first,_ somehow _they were both shy. This wasn't their first time laying next to each other, of anything they've spent more night laying in each other's beds than spending the night alone in their own rooms. Yet, there were moments when they both lay still, looking at each other and no words were exchanged_ — _it was those moments where they felt shy. It felt intimate even when they weren't_ together _._

 _They haven't verbally spoken about their feelings for each other to each other yet and they were not sure when they will_ — _if they ever would._

_"How do you think our uni life will be like?" Hyungwon nonchalantly asked, staring at his ceiling now._

_"Maybe_ — _Maybe we could live together?" Hoseok suggested quietly, oh-so meekly that the idea itself did warm Hyungwon's heart. He liked that idea very much, living together with Hoseok_ — _he loved it really._

_"In an apartment with the rest of the guys? That sounds great actually!" Hyungwon exclaimed and Hoseok's expression faltered. That was not what Hoseok meant. And Hyungwon knew it too, but he simply couldn't give in to his feelings especially when it concerns Hoseok._

_Hyungwon was afraid. He wasn't afraid of his life, heck, it could be gone for all he cared, but he was so immensely afraid for Hoseok_ — _for Hoseok's life_ — _if they were to ever get involved with each other. That's what has been holding him back all this while._

_In reality, Hyungwon loved Hoseok so much, so much more than he really should._

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

Hyungwon leans against the older's bare chest, his fingers intertwined with Wonho's. They had just woken up and shared a few moments kissing _—_ nothing new before they settled comfortably together, Wonho's back against the headboard and Hyungwon's back against Wonho's.

Hyungwon nonchalantly brings their hands up to his face and his eyes trace over the tattoo on the older's ring finger and his heart flutters every time he lays eyes on the tattoo the older got just a year ago.

**𝐻𝒲𝐻**

It's an acronym of both their names combined together.

 **H** yung **W** on. **W** on **H** o

He remembered when Wonho had come to him before getting this tattoo. He had confided in him, asking whether he was fine having a part of his name tattooed along with Wonho's on a part of his body forever. Hyungwon was of course hesitant, not because he thought the idea was stupid but because he felt like he didn't deserve to have his name tattooed on such a _precious_ person—a person whom he tarnished of all innocence.

Yet at the same time, he felt _special_ ; that the tattoo itself holds a much special meaning because he knew that it would only ever be Wonho. No one could come into his life and change it the way Wonho has already done. Even if they tried, he knew no one could ever love him like Wonho does.

When Hyungwon asked where Wonho would like to get their acronym tattooed, the older lifted up his left hand and pointed to his ring finger.

 _"Wh—Why there?"_ Hyungwon remembers asking so clearly. That finger in itself is symbolic and he knew that Wonho only ever gets tattoos with a special meaning behind them and he likes them tattooed at a specific place that would upload its meaning, enhancing their significance.

_"Because I'm hoping that someday it'll be you who'll slip a ring on it. But until then, this tattoo will show that this finger is reserved for you and only for you. This will be my promise to you; to love you, to keep you happy, to protect you always."_

And these words were uttered by Wonho when they were a fairly new couple where both Hyungwon and Wonho were still uncertain if they could really make it. They weren't sure how much their new difference in personality would affect each other. They didn't know if their switch in contradicting behavior was something they could stand from each other. Heck, they didn't even know if they could make it a year without either of them losing their shit at each other.

But something touched Hyungwon's heart. Was it the tenderness of Wonho's voice? Was it the words he said, how he sounded so sure of himself?

Hyungwon didn't really know.

In the end, he accepted it with tears—they were happy tears mixed with a slight pinch of uncertainty but that too disappeared after a few kisses of reassurance.

Now, almost two years into their relationship and Hyungwon couldn't be any more happier with Wonho.

A kiss to the side of Hyungwon's head is what brought him back. He turns his head to look over his shoulder at the older with an unconscious smile plastered on his lips.

"What's got you thinking this hard in the morning, Love?" Wonho questions.

"I love you," Hyungwon says, so simply, so lightly, that Wonho felt his heart stutter from the sudden confession. A warm smile spreads across his lips, looking at his lover endearingly. The older pulls Hyungwon much closer to his chest with his fingers lightly playing on the younger's bare skin around his hips.

"What's with this sudden confession, hm?" Wonho questions now, brimming with amusement. Wonho just cannot get enough of the younger saying these words of him. It's like he was deprived so long years ago from these words—and maybe he was in a sense with always having so much doubt and always having to restrain himself wondering if the moment was even right. But now that he has the chance to say it and _hear_ it, he takes full opportunity of it and cherishes it.

"Just thought you should know." Hyungwon shrugs.

"I know it very well."

Hyungwon beams up at him. He cranes his neck a little more to kiss Wonho another time, even after sharing several deep, long kisses this morning, that just doesn't seem sufficient enough. He could never get tired of kissing Wonho.

Wonho doesn't hesitate to slip his tongue in the younger's mouth, claiming dominance. Hyungwon elicits a loud moan as Wonho sucks on his tongue. Deciding that the position he is in is restricting him from touching the older further, Hyungwon breaks the kiss to turn his body completely while Wonho continues to trails wet, open-mouthed kisses along the expanse of the younger's back to his shoulder then his collarbone before they start kissing again.

Hyungwon's long arms circle around Wonho's neck, fingers getting tangled into the older's unkempt bed hair while Wonho's hands roam around the naked skin under his fingers, his fingertips only getting greedier each time they graze over the smooth skin wanting to explore more and more. 

They pull away for breath but Hyungwon only does so for a few seconds before his lips find their way back to Wonho's skin, he kisses the corner of Wonho's lips then the side of his jaw then right on his adam's apple where he places a few wet kisses on the same spot. Wonho draws his head back as Hyungwon gently grazes the skin between his teeth, repeating the actions of biting and licking until he earns a moan from the older which did satisfy him. He places one last kiss on the bruise he just made before looking up to Wonho.

One of the older's hands now rests at the back of the younger's neck, playing with his hair that he has reached his nape. The younger is planning to grow out his hair this time around to which Wonho can't wait to see because he knows he will look so fucking hot.

"We should probably get ready," Hyungwon says. Wonho hums. Hyungwon gets off Wonho's lap with the comforter wrapped around his naked self warmly (unlike Wonho who at least has on a pair of boxers). 

"How does breakfast at _Namusairo Coffee_ sound, Love?"

"Perfect." Hyungwon pecks Wonho's lips once last time before he gets off their bed. "I'll go get ready first."

"No, don't bring the comforter with you~" Wonho whines like a literal child, and Hyungwon can't help but chuckle. The first few times really did baffle Hyungwon at the complete difference in character from when Wonho is at school versus when he is alone at home with Hyungwon, but now so completely used to it, it amuses him more than anything.

"This is what you get for not bringing me boxers last night," Hyungwon retorts playfully. Wonho groans before he jumps out of bed. Hyungwon croaked his brow, raising it slightly when Wonho makes his way towards him. The younger lets out a loud yelp when Wonho scoops him into his arms effortlessly. Hyungwon immediately wraps his arms around the older's neck, mildly glaring at him for giving him a mini heart attack.

"I was thinking about saving a few things today, you know, like _time_ and _water_ ," Wonho suggestively says. Hyungwon snickers.

"So you're suggesting we get ready together."

"That's the only plan I can think of. The plan's solid proof _—_ I've tested it out myself."

"Oh, have you now?" Hyungwon questioned, playing along with the older. "Well, you see _Mr Lee—_ " And fuck does Wonho controls himself from ripping this comforter off Hyungwon and just take him against the bedroom. Not that they haven't before. And the idea itself sounds so tempting now with the tone of Hyungwon's voice.

" _—_ I have no doubt that we will be _saving_. The important question is, which one are we really going to save more _—_ time or water? Because I can assure you that we will be doing so much than just _'getting ready together'_."

"You're not exactly complaining."

"Because the plan _—_ even if flawed _—_ I like what it stands for, _saving_. I'm all for saving time and water," Hyungwon says with a sly smile and Wonho's smirk widens.

"Yea?"

"I'm an advocate actually."

That was enough, Wonho thought so, because after that he rushes them both into the bathroom _—_ after letting Hyungwon drop the comforter onto the floor.

That's not to say that they got ready saving any time because they indeed took longer than really intended to get ready (together). But the plus side is that they did save water, kind of. 


	10. 𝟖

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚠ Mild violence, mentions of blood, and offensive terms⚠

_“Sometimes I wish it wasn’t so hard,” Hyungwon unintentionally mumbled it out loud for Hoseok to hear. The older male, alarmed, sat up properly on Hyungwon’s bed as he stared worriedly at Hyungwon who was mindlessly turning around in his black swivel chair by his study table._

_“What do you mean?” Hoseok questioned with evident concern._

_Hyungwon stopped spinning in his chair and looked at Hoseok and that was when he knew he had said that out loud. Hyungwon wasn’t one to share his concerns_ — _at least not all of them_ — _with his friends. To most, Hyungwon was (probably) the most care-free amongst their friend group and that could either be a bad or good thing. People never really saw Hyungwon’s vulnerable side. He always had on a tough exterior, one that sent unspoken messages to people saying never to mess with him (or his friends)._

_Hyungwon moved himself to the foot of his bed where Hoseok now sat and he bent down slightly so that their eyes were aligned._

_Fear._

_That was what Hoseok noticed pooling in the orbs of the younger’s eyes. It was an expression he was familiar with because he always had fear in his eyes, but never Hyungwon; Hyungwon never feared. Any trill in life was an opportunity in life and any dangerous situation was the kick of adrenaline Hyungwon somehow always craved for. But there was never fear._

_And that was what scared Hoseok even more._

_Hyungwon gave him a small smile but it was nowhere reassuring, not when his eyes were screaming in fear. The younger held onto both of Hoseok’s hands, lightly squeezing them occasionally._

_“Hyungwon, what’s wrong?” Hoseok asked._

_“Hoseok, can you promise me another thing?” Hyungwon asked, completely ignoring the older’s question altogether. Hoseok did notice it and frowned but he nodded nonetheless. He figured Hyungwon would tell him whenever he felt like he was ready. “If I ever get in trouble_ —”

 _“Hyungwon!” Hoseok interjected almost instantly, shocked by whatever Hyungwon was about to tell him. He knew it wasn’t anything good, yet he didn’t expect the younger’s word to go along those lines. “Wh_ — _Why would_ — _Are you in some sort of trouble? Did_ they _threaten you_ —” _Hoseok started bombarding the younger with pressing questions._

_“Hoseok, hey, calm down,” Hyungwon said, cupping the older’s cheeks with his palms. Hoseok’s gaze was forced to fix on Hyungwon’s once again and he still saw the smile but he also still saw the fear. The smile did nothing to reassure Hoseok._

_The longer Hyungwon stared into Hoseok’s eyes, the older could subtly see Hyungwon’s eyes starting to get glassy as they trembled ever so slightly._

_“Just listen first, okay?” Hyungwon told him softly. Hoseok nodded even if he was itching to ask more questions. “Promise me, Hoseok, that if—if I ever get in trouble,_ don’t _run after me.”_

_Hoseok didn’t like the sound of this at all. He knew that Hyungwon was hanging out with dangerous people and whatever Hyungwon was asking him to promise wasn’t easing his worries one bit; if anything the older male was much more scared for his friend’s safety than he already was._

_“Can you promise that, Hoseok?”_

_Hoseok stayed quiet._

_How can he promise such a thing? He couldn’t. Even when he knew he was a weak wimp he would run into danger any day just for Hyungwon. It was stupid, he knew that, yet he had already set his heart and mind to it despite the consequences._

_Hoseok simply loved Hyungwon_ that _much, it didn’t matter if Hyungwon loved him back or not._

_“Hoseok, please promise me,” Hyungwon pleaded at this point, squeezing Hoseok’s hands tighter in desperation._

_And Hoseok couldn’t say ‘no’, not when it was Hyungwon. So, Hoseok promised._

_That was the one promise he broke._

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

Wonho is barely a patient person _now_ and he gets even more irritated when knowing that Hyungwon is waiting for him at this very moment but he couldn’t go to his lover right away when he has to deal with such humorless assholes.

The guy in front of Wonho heaves heavily, wiping the blood off from his nose with his menacing glare boring right at Wonho. It didn’t intimidate the built male one bit, if anything it is irritating him further that this guy is not giving answers to what he was asking and instead is wasting his time (and energy) with stupid remarks and unnecessary violence.

Losing his patience altogether, Wonho fists the guy’s shirt, lifting him off the ground. The guy grunts from the pain in his abdomen but his piercing glare towards Wonho doesn’t falter at all, it only hardens

“I asked what you said to Hyungwon. I think that’s a pretty simple question,” Wonho seethes, patience running extremely thin now.

“I called that boyfriend of yours a _‘sissy’_ ,” the guy spits, finally. “I’m just saying wh—”

The guy didn’t even get the chance to finish his sentence when Wonho throws another punch to his face and the guy falls to the ground, coughing violently before he laughs out. The pain doesn’t faze the guy, it’s entertaining more than anything to rile up the university’s bad boy and they know the only way to get him _this_ riled up is by targeting Hyungwon, unfortunately.

Wonho bends down close to the guy’s head, creases much more prominent on his forehead and his lips in a thin line, not even partially satisfied with what he has done but he intends to be quick today since he kept Hyungwon waiting for more than fifteen minutes now.

“Do you have any more to add?” Wonho oh-so sarcastically asks.

“I bet that sissy’s a good fuck,” the guy says then spits out the blood in his mouth to the side of the concrete. “He’s a bottom, am I right? I bet his moans are so fucking sinful t—” and he didn’t manage to get another word across his lips when Wonho lands another punch, hard, across his face, knocking him out almost instantly.

Wonho sees red when his blazing gaze eyes the now unconscious body. Calling Hyungwon names and purposely picking on him was one thing, but talking so crudely about him is just crossing the line. Whatever he and Hyungwon do in the bedroom is nobody’s business. People assume a whole lot—like who’s top and who’s bottom— and they also assume the things that they would do or are interested in, even when it isn’t their business at all. But what angers Wonho more than anything is when some insensible assholes sexualize Hyungwon just because they think it’s fun— _whatever the fuck that means_ , Wonho thinks.

“Stupid fucker,” Wonho mumbles as he kicks the guy’s leg. He barely gives a glance towards the guy and walks back into university, making a mental note to finish off where he stopped today with him. Wonho is sure that the guy did not deserve a simple beating, not after saying all those vulgar things about Hyungwon.

Wonho quickly makes his way to his locker and opens it, taking out a white medium-sized box. He is sure to be careful with the box as he speeds walks towards the elevator that leads up to the university’s grassy area on the third floor — or as Wonho and his friends like to call it, the _‘sitting area’_ since it is a whole green patch of fake grass with a few table sets arranged.

When the elevator door opens to reveal the expanse of the _sitting area_ where only a few students are currently there now (including Hyungwon), his eyes almost immediately catch the younger male sitting by one of the few benches at the _sitting area_ that overlooks the lake right next to their university. his heart stutters seeing the small smile gracing upon Hyungwon’s lips as he watches something on his phone. then his heart squeezed knowing he kept his lover waiting so long, all alone.

Wonho lets out a heavy sigh before making his way to Hyungwon.

The younger male puts down his phone once he notices Wonho’s presence. Wonho sits next to him, placing the box just beside him.

“Hoseok!” Hyungwon exclaims with a bright smile and Wonho himself couldn’t help the smile slowly spreading across his lips. Fuck, it’s so obvious how much Hyungwon affects him and he loves it.

“Hi baby,” Wonho greets as he leans forward to kiss the younger’s thick lips. Hyungwon hums in content, finally able to be in the presence of the older. Wonho circles one of his arms around the younger’s waist and pulls him closer to which Hyungwon instinctively wraps his own arms around the older’s neck. “I’m so sorry, love,” Wonho apologizes with genuine guilt.

Hyungwon leans back slightly, arms still locked and he smiles ever so brightly while shaking his head, indicating that he really didn’t mind the older being late.

“You didn’t ditch me, so it’s okay,” Hyungwon tells him. Wonho takes both Hyungwon’s hands and plants a chaste kiss on his knuckles then places it against his chest.

“Love, I would never do that to you,” Wonho tells him in all seriousness.

“I know,” Hyungwon says softly. “So, why did you want us to have our lunch here today instead of with the rest?”

Wonho reaches for the box next to him and turns it to face Hyungwon before he opens it. The younger gasps with his eyes twinkling in excitement when he sees the half a dozen red velvet cupcakes frosted with cream cheese arranged neatly in the box. Red velvet with cream cheese frosting, overrated, but it is Hyungwon’s absolute favourite.

Wonho knew he did right by ordering these cupcakes secretly for the younger seeing as how happy he looks now.

“Where’d you get these from?”

“Remember that one guy who bakes and sells from my Economics class?” Hyungwon hums and nods his head. “Well, he came back last week and heard he was taking orders for his next batch sale, so, I figured why not.”

“You seriously are the best!” This definitely did boost Wonho’s ego as his smirk grew. Hyungwon cradles the older’s cheek with his palm to give him a deep, long kiss. “Thank you, sweets! I love you.”

“I love you more,” Wonho says. The older then take one cupcake and places the rest of the box with the cupcakes back where it placed was then turns to feed Hyungwon.

Hyungwon beams as he happily takes the first bite. That is when he notices the bruising on Wonho’s knuckles. Hyungwon swallows the first bite and Wonho offers him the next but Hyungwon takes the cupcake away from the older’s hand and puts it away for now.

“Sweets?” Wonho calls, confused by the younger’s action.

Hyungwon takes both of Hyungwon’s hands and turns his hand over to see that his knuckles are all bruised, not horribly, but bad enough to know that it was done out of pure anger. Hyungwon slightly traces his thumb over the bruises that are a bright red now, thankfully there isn’t any blood or cuts anywhere.

“Who was it?” Hyungwon asks.

“Some first-year student who doesn’t know his fucking place,” Wonho says, spitting out bitterly from his tongue. It still boils his blood as he remembers all the crude words he said about Hyungwon.

Hyungwon lets out a heavy sigh filled with dejection which brings Wonho’s attention to him. Hyungwon takes his bruised knuckles up to his plush lips and plants delicate soft kisses on them. It didn’t hurt the older if he is honest, but the younger’s gesture did send a few tingles through his skin. Wonho’s expression softens a little, tentatively watching his lover kiss his bruises. Hyungwon’s eyes then lift up to meet Wonho’s.

Hyungwon doesn’t question further like where did he fight this guy or _why_ he fought this guy because he likely knows that the reason is him and he doesn’t know how much guilt he can pile onto himself at this point. The guilt within him now is suffocating enough, he’d rather not add more.

“He deserved it, Hyungwon,” Wonho tells him, trying to justify whatever he had just done. “Trust me.”

Hyungwon slips out another sigh, softer this time, then shakes his head, a small smile gracing on his lips once again, only this time this smile is sad and Wonho hates how he can clearly see the sadness seeps from his smile, a smile that is supposed to warm his already cold heart.

“This is the one thing you won’t listen to, won’t you?” Hyungwon asks. The question itself seems almost rhetorical because he knows the answer and he knows what Wonho will say.

“Hyungwon—”

“I don’t want you to keep getting hurt like this,” Hyungwon says softly with his own guilt slowly starting to bubble in his chest.

“Baby, hey.” Wonho gently cups the younger’s cheeks between his large palms to ensure Hyungwon’s gaze stays on his. “If you can protect me _before_ , why can’t I do the same _now_?”

“I don’t want you to do this because you feel indebted to me,” Hyungwon says.

Wonho frowns.

“I’m not doing this because I feel indebted to you,” Wonho states, making himself clear. “I love you, Hyungwon, and you know I would go to any extent to protect you.” Hyungwon knows that and sometimes—when it concerns Wonho’s safety—he hates it the most because it is then Wonho completely disregards his own self to ensure Hyungwon gets whatever justice he feels the younger needs

“You know I will do anything for you.”

 _Anything for you_ , the words repeat in Hyungwon’s head. The words should be heartwarming in a sense or Hyungwon should feel honoured that he has someone, someone who loves him so deeply that they would do anything for his well being. Yet Hyungwon always feels this weight alongside these words because he doesn’t truly know to _what_ extent Wonho would go for him and Hyungwon is scared to know.

“Anything for me…” Hyungwon trails off weakly.

_Promise me, Hoseok, that if—if I ever get in trouble, don’t run after me._

“Would you have done anything for me too back then, back when we were in high school?” Wonho’s breath hitches hearing this and his hands drop from the younger’s face. He didn’t like talking about their time in high school because overall it was a painful memory regardless of the incident happening.

Wonho hated himself back then—perhaps the word ‘hate’ itself is taken lightly. Wonho really _loathed_ his old self, the person he deemed completely useless and stupid, so utterly embarrassing that he still wondered why someone like Hyungwon still hung around him back then.

There are a couple of things Hyungwon knows Wonho hates dwelling on, one being his old self and the other being _the incident_. Any conversation bringing up either of these two topics usually ends with Wonho raging dangerously and leaving after maybe throwing a punch or two (to an inanimate object).

Hyungwon sees how Wonho has one of his fists clenched so tight that the knuckles are turning white and he notices how the older’s jaw tightens.

“Hoseok,” Hyungwon calls—that godforsaken name.

“Yes,” Wonho answers tightly. “I would do anything for you back then if I could.”

Hyungwon knew _Wonho_ would do anything for him, but _Hoseok_ was a mystery to the younger— Hoseok seemed timid and he was obedient yet he went against one of the most important promises he made with Hyungwon.

“Then why didn’t you keep your promise back then?” The younger’s now glassy eyes stare into Wonho’s burning ones. “Why did you run after me when you promised me you wouldn’t?” Hyungwon asks with pain lacing in his voice.

Wonho’s hard demeanor falters as he watches Hyungwon trying his best not to fall apart right in front of him.

“Even if I was so fucking useless back then I couldn’t—” Wonho chokes on his words. “I couldn’t just let them take the guy I love away like that. Even if I knew I couldn’t do anything to help, I knew you were scared and the thought of you being scared and all alone fucking broke my heart.”

Hyungwon's heart breaks too, now, hearing this.

“You should’ve kept your promise,” Hyungwon whimpers brokenly as the hot tears now brim in the younger’s eyes threatening to fall at any given moment.

“I couldn’t leave you alone,” Wonho says in a mere whisper as he moves closer to the younger.

Hyungwon shakes his head profusely because he knows things wouldn’t change to this extreme if _Hoseok_ had kept his promise then and not follow Hyungwon when he was being dragged away. Hoseok was never meant to see what they had done to Hyungwon, but he did (and that too helplessly) and it inevitably changed everything. Unfortunately.

Wonho gently grazes his thumb over the younger’s eyes where the tears were clinging desperately. He then leans down to place a soft kiss on the younger’s forehead.

“Shh~ You’re okay, my love,” Wonho coaxes, placing another kiss on the same skin before fully embracing Hyungwon into his warm, safe arms.

 _But are_ we _?_


	11. 𝟗

Hyungwon’s got this—he hopes really hard at least.

“Hoseok—”

But Hyungwon’s words fall deaf to the older’s ears as he throws a punch towards the guy that had raggingly pulled on Hyungwon’s hair as he mindlessly passed by the couple “just for the fun of it”—as they would say. And once Wonho starts it is near impossible to get him to stop unless he feels (somewhat) satisfied with whatever _damage_ he plans to do in order to teach that guy some sort of lesson.

Wonho fists the guy’s shirt—a third-year, he recognises—and slams his back into the nearby lockers.

Hyungwon hates all these attention on them. It is bad enough as it is when no fights occur because even then he can feel eyes on them, watching their every move, waiting for one of them—mostly Hyungwon—to slip up just so they have something to talk about. That’s not to say they have nothing to talk about before that. They would nitpick about the littlest things about Hyungwon and it only gets worse when they target his weaknesses like his anxiety and his fear of being in a confined space for too long.

By now a small crowd is already surrounding the three of them and nobody takes the decency to help prevent the fight from escalating or to even call any lecturer to stop this. Instead, some take their phones out to record while others weather into small groups making useless predictions of how the fight will end up and even going up to estimating how long all this will last.

Hyungwon can stand by the side and hope for someone—any sort of kind soul to come and help him stop this but he knows he can’t fully rely on any of the student body from this university because they are all just waiting to feast on both Hyungwon and Wonho’s drama (if there happen to be any) to fuel their rather dry gossips.

This is another reason why Hyungwon hates Wonho getting into fights—especially fights _for_ him. 

“Don’t you have anything fucking better to do?” Wonho sneers at the guy who has a clear smirk on his lips.

“This is much more entertaining,” the guy says. Wonho is about to throw another punch his way when Hyungwon jumps forward and holds onto both Wonho’s arms. His pleading gaze looks up to Wonho’s fuming demeanor.

“Hyungwon, stay back,” Wonho tells him tightly, narrowed hooded eyes still glaring pointedly at the guy he is gripping.

“Looky, your little boyfriend,” the guy states with thick mockery.

Wonho slams the guy’s body against the locker again.

“Hoseok, please, just leave him. You’ll be late for your first slot—” Hyungwon tries to reason with him but Wonho is quick to cut him off.

“I don’t fucking care about first slot,” Wonho snaps back. “He hurt _you_ , Hyungwon. The least of my concerns is my fucking attendance.” Hyungwon knows that, of course, but he didn’t know any other credible way to get Wonho out of this fight he started.

“Hyungwon, stand back or you’ll get hurt,” Wonho says again.

“Yea, pretty boy, we wouldn’t want that pretty little face of yours to get ruined now, do we?” the guy retorts, his gaze shifting to Hyungwon who is anxiously pale now.

“Eyes. On. Me. Fucker!” Wonho warns, punctuating each word hard.

Hyungwon tries his best to pull Wonho’s iron grip off the guy and just wants to drag him off somewhere quiet so he himself can cool the older off, but all chances only slim down when the guy opens his mouth again, riling Wonho up even more.

Hyungwon didn’t catch what he said, but Wonho did and it angered him enough to throw another punch right at the guy’s face.

Hyungwon doesn’t have it—not even the least.

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

It is finally lunch period and Minhyuk walks out of the lecture theatre as quickly as he can to the canteen where he is expected to meet Hyungwon. He knows he is already ten minutes late and the last thing he wants is Hyungwon nagging at him for not being punctual (which he is habitual even without classes going on). Minhyuk walks past the line leading up to all the food stalls and instead straight away walks to the tables where he instantly spots Shownu already sitting at a table.

But Minhyuk frowns and almost instantly checks his watch to see that he is indeed late—fifteen minutes now— yet he only sees Shownu and _Jooheon_ at the table. Minhyuk takes a seat at one of the empty chairs around the table and only Shownu acknowledges the male’s presence by nodding his head slightly while Jooheon is too deep concentration of whatever that is on his phone. He might just be scrolling through reddit’s crime discussion pages— that’s what Minhyuk thinks anyways.

“Hyungwon isn’t here yet?” Minhyuk asks with his head turning back to the line wondering if Hyungwon is already here but just in a line somewhere, it shouldn’t be the case since they had planned to head to the food trucks at the parking lot to get food today, but he checks for the sake of it.

Shownu shakes his head before stuffing his face with fries.

“What about Wonho?” Minhyuk questions Shownu knowing that both the third-year students share Economics class together before today’s lunch break.

“Beats me,” the third-year answers. “He didn’t show up for Economics at all.”

This didn’t faze Minhyuk at all because it is a norm for Wonho to suddenly not show up for class.

“Have you seen Hyungwon after first slot?” Minhyuk asks Jooheon. Jooheon looks up at the other momentarily.

“I mean he did show up late for first slot but after that he has _Intro to Psych_ for his second slot while I’m free for that slot,” Jooheon tells him before going back to reading whatever it is on his phone.

Minhyuk frowns even more.

Hyungwon never wants to miss a class let alone be late for one. Minhyuk wants to worry because the last time things like this didn’t add up about Hyungwon was because something happened. But circumstances then were different to the circumstances now. Back then _Hoseok_ didn’t exactly have Hyungwon’s back but that can’t be said the same now. Minhyuk knows that if anything were to happen to Hyungwon, Wonho would always be the first to know.

And Minhyuk knows Wonho well enough that even if the older male isn’t too keen of attending his own classes and doesn’t particularly care about being late he would never ask Hyungwon to skip with him or even for him. Wonho would go out of his way to make sure Hyungwon attends his classes every day and that too on time. Ironic, for sure.

Just then an extra tray of food is placed just beside Minhyuk and the male looks up to see Kihyun joining them at the table. The shorter male mumbles a small ‘hi’ to everyone.

“You haven’t frowned this hard since I told you that the colour Magenta doesn’t exist,” Kihyun says as he stabs into his poke bowl he bought for lunch. Minhyuk rolls his eyes at that statement.

“I still stand by my stance that Magenta is in fact a colour because I can see it,” Minhyuk retorts with a slight huff.

“Need I remind you that Magenta has no wavelength?”

“Need I remind you that I nearly failed Physics in high school?”

“Tsk. Stubborn as always,” Kihyun states, taking another bite of his food.

“For the things that I believe in, of course.” Kihyun chuckles a little at this and nods. “Anyways, you had first slot with Wonho, right?” Minhyuk starts. “Did he go for class? Because apparently he didn’t go for third slot with Shownu and Jooheon said Hyungwon came in late for his first slot which you know is so unlike him.”

“You didn’t hear?”

“Hear what?”

“Wonho got into a fight before first slot,” Kihyun tells them all, shaking his head disapprovingly.

Minhyuk instantly knows it’s bad, not only because of the fact that Wonho must’ve gotten hurt but because before the first slots Wonho and Hyungwon are almost always together and the likelihood that Hyungwon was present during that fight is high. Minhyuk has witness days when it was only Hyungwon and him alone and the taller would pour out his entire guilt on how much he hated Wonho getting into fight for him. He can’t imagine what Hyungwon must’ve felt witnessing it all take place in front of his eyes.

“Is it because of Hyungwon?” Shownu queries.

“Why else?” Kihyun retorts, lacing with bitterness as he rolls his eyes.

“Why the fuck would he do that,” Minhyuk grumbles, feeling frustrated from one of his friend’s stupidity and the other one’s guilt. “He knows very well that Hyungwon hates it.”

“We can’t exactly say anything to stop him.”

“Well, he should at least realise how much it hurts Hyungwon to see him get into fights like this.”

Kihyun places down his utensils to really look at Minhyuk after that seemingly accusing statement he had just said.

“You know Wonho isn’t getting into fights for the fun of it,” Kihyun says now, sounding defensive over his friend’s action.

“Getting into fights for someone else’s sake isn’t exactly a smart thing either,” Minhyuk counters.

“What are you trying to say?”

“I’m saying that Wonho is a fucking idiot, that’s what I mean,” Minhyuk says sharply.

“Excuse me?” Kihyun says. “All of _this_ happening right now is because of Hyungwon. If Hyungwon hadn’t dragged him along that day, Wonho wouldn’t feel the need to be doing all _these_ for Hyungwon.”

“Hyungwon did not drag Wonho into anything,” Minhyuk defends. “Wonho was stupid enough to poke his nose into things he shouldn’t have.”

“Oh? Isn’t Hyungwon dumb enough to know not to mess with such a dangerous group of people?” Shownu interjects.

“Hyungwon was having a rough time,” Jooheon says now, phone now put aside as he sits straight in his seat, fully concentrating on the bicker at hand.

Is it also clear which side both Shownu and Jooheon lean towards.

“That is not an excuse,” Shownu states.

“Maybe not for you,” Minhyuk says.

“You cannot be defending Hyungwon for getting involved with such horrible people,” Kihyun utters incredulously.

“Maybe his choices weren’t the best but you can’t pile all the blame on Hyungwon when all he has been trying to do since day one was to protect and keep Wonho uninvolved knowing it would be dangerous. Hyungwon warned _Hoseok_.”

“And what was _Hoseok_ supposed to do? Leave Hyungwon in trouble? You fucking know he wouldn’t do shit like that especially not when it concerns Hyungwon,” Kihyun splutters without even realizing that they had accidentally said the name ‘Hoseok’ instead of ‘Wonho’ now. But it seems like everyone else around the table is too focused on the bickering to even say anything.

“Well, I thought he would at least be a little fucking smarter to listen to Hyungwon than to run along and get himself into trouble as well knowing very well he couldn’t fucking fight or do shit to save either of them!”

“Minhyuk, let’s go,” Jooheon says, standing up and tugging at Minhyuk’s arm.

This bickering is turning into an argument which he knows will get heated very soon and if they don’t stop now, Jooheon knows it’ll only get explosive, loud enough to reach both Wonho and Hyungwon’s ears—and that is the last thing any of them want. They have had several close calls before and really they would rather Wonho and Hyungwon be deaf to all these words.

“Minhyuk, please,” Jooheon begs, tugging on the other’s arm harder until Minhyuk eventually gets up.

And they both leave the table without anymore words exchanged.

Minhyuk and Jooheon stalk out of the canteen and just as they spoke of the devil, they see both Wonho and Hyungwon walking towards their direction—more precisely the direction to the canteen. Hyungwon is talking earnestly with Wonho while his hands hold onto one of Wonho’s bandaged knuckles.

It is Hyungwon that notices Minhyuk and Jooheon. And it is Hyungwon who drags Wonho with him to them.

“Hey Min! I’m sorry I was late. I was about—”

“Let’s go,” Minhyuk interjects, grabbing onto Hyungwon’s arm and without giving Wonho a second glance, pulls Hyungwon to him and starts dragging him away.

“Wh—Huh?”

“Hey!” Wonho shouts, clearly unhappy and very much annoyed with what Minhyuk just did. But Minhyuk doesn’t stop. He just keeps dragging Hyungwon with him while Jooheon follows silently close to them.

“It’s a _second-year_ thing,” Minhyuk simply lies over his shoulder. Minhyuk assumes Wonho believes him because up until now that they are close to the elevators no one has ripped Hyungwon from his grasp.

“A second-year thing?” Hyungwon questions now confusedly. “Is there a meeting for all second-year students? I haven't seen anything in my Outlook inbox…”

“There is no meeting. I lied.”

“You—What? Why?” Minhyuk finally stops near one of the elevators and after pushing the button to go up, he turns to look at Hyungwon.

“I just need a friend right now,” Minhyuk mutters tightly. Hyungwon’s eyes then move to Jooheon who had been quiet this whole while which isn’t usually like him. “I’m not feeling too good right now and only you, Jooheon, and Changkyun will make me feel better. Changkyun’s class will end soon. Let’s go for bubble tea when he’s done.”

Hyungwon wants to protest because he and Wonho had already made plans after getting food with Minnhyuk (like they planned) since their classes for the day are over. Usually, it is easy to say no to Minhyuk or to any other one of his friends, but not today. Hyungwon can tell that Minhyuk is upset about something and that something must be pretty serious from how quiet Jooheon has been beside them.

So, Hyungwon nods his head to which he thankfully did because Minhyuk gives him the brightest smile before going in for a hug and thanking him profusely. He doesn’t know what happened but Hyungwon will be sure to ask Minhyuk later. For now, if Minhyuk says that he needs his as well as Jooheon and Changkyun’s company to feel better, then he will be there for his friends just like the moments before he was there for him.

Changkyun wasn’t let on to the bickering that had just happened because he is as clueless as Wonho and Hyungwon about it in the first place. Minhyuk had just simply announced that they were going for bubble tea and no questions were asked after that.

They talked, they laughed, made stupid jokes and by the end of the day it almost seems like the argument itself had happened a long time ago considering by the evening their group chat with the total seven of them in it start blowing up with unhealthy amount of memes and more stupid jokes.

The thing is this bickering isn't anything new. The four of them have been going on and on like this having two divided opinions since the day everyone found out that both Wonho and Hyungwon changed and it has something to do with each other.

Minhyuk or Jooheon or even Shownu and Kihyun aren’t worried that these arguments might some day split them all apart because for some reason they are always still stuck together. They really do get along well except for this one matter.

Sometimes they do wonder if they are all still a group solely for Wonho and Hyungwon’s sake who are oblivious to these bickerings concerning them or if it is because they simply can tolerate each other. 


	12. 𝟏𝟎

_Hoseok was flipping through the pages of his music book to get his mind of the nerves he was feeling. Hoseok felt so restless and also a sense of dread of having to go up in front of the whole class to perform the piece he composed. He wasn’t confident, that was one thing, and he also hated the attention of having to present in front of everyone._

_He knew he would mess up, not because he wasn’t prepared, if anything Hoseok could play the piece he composed without referring to the sheet he brought along (but of course he wouldn’t take the chance now), but simply because of his nerves and his sweaty hands that might cause him to slip a note or two while playing._

_This was one assignment that did not carry much marks and Hoseok knew not many, if not most, wouldn’t take it as seriously as he did. For most, the music class was just a class to gain extra credits while for Hoseok it was his passion, a place to learn and gain much knowledge needed to perhaps pursue something in the field of music in the future. So, he took this assignment seriously_ — _a little too seriously as some of his friends said._

_Even so, this assignment meant so much more than some means to learn how to compose your own song. Hoseok’s friends knew the shrouded reason for why this one specific assignment meant a whole lot to Hoseok and why he took it a little too seriously._

_Hoseok was helpless and this, through this assignment, he felt he could convey something at least a little into this one piece he composed._

_Hoseok felt a hand intertwined with his and he instinctively looked up to see Hyungwon smiling at him. Hoseok’s heart undoubtedly sped up even more. Hyungwon could sense the strong nerves coming from the older and so he squeezed his hand._

_“You’ll do great!” Hyungwon whispered into Hoseok’s ear. The older perks up at this, innocent eyes gazing into Hyungwon’s for reassurance._

_“I_ — _I might mess up,” Hoseok stuttered._

_“How nervous are you?”_

_“I might just throw up any second now,” Hoseok told him honestly. Hyungwon shifted closer to him and circled his arm to Hoseok’s back, gently rubbing it to comfort him._

_“Hey, I know it’s scary but it’ll be over before you know it. Two minutes will go by so fast,” Hyungwon tried to console but Hoseok seemed unconvinced because he knew going up there the second would feel like eternity and he hated that._

_“If it’ll make you feel any better, you can look at me,” Hyungwon suggested next. “Do I make you nervous? Hoseok shook his head and Hyungwon smiled. “You know, you are so amazing in this class.”_

_“You’re just saying that,” Hoseok said with a pout._

_“I’ve never lied to you, have I?” Hoseok shook his head once more. “Then there is no reason for me to lie to you now just to make you feel better. You really are good at composing. All those little pieces you’ve composed before, they were really good, even the teacher said so. Don’t doubt your ability just because of these nerves.”_

_“But what if I mess up?”_

_“That doesn’t take away the fact that you are still good at composing. Presenting in front of everyone contributes a small percentage of the grade. It’s what’s written on those sheets, the way the melody flows, that’s what matters and I know your piece will not be anything less than perfect.”_

_Just then the teacher called up Hoseok’s name for his turn to present his piece and the aforementioned male visibly tensed. Hyungwon gave his hand another squeeze before Hoseok hesitantly stood up._

_“Remember, just look at me, okay? I’ll be right here.”_

_Hoseok nodded._

_And that was exactly what Hoseok did, moments where he wasn’t staring down on the piano or briefly scanning over the sheet, his gaze would be easily settled on Hyungwon who, for the entire time, had a proud smile._

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

Hyungwon’s fingers glide with slight uncertainty across the keys of the keyboard piano as his gaze would occasionally waver back and forth between the sheet of notes he had written placed on the music rack and his stiff fingers. Hyungwon stops and leans in a little closer to read the note, frowning as he tries to identify the note and trying to see which key fits.

Once Hyungwon gets it, he tries the piece again from the beginning, there are hiccups here and there and the tempo is a little off at some parts, but Hyungwon managed to play it all rather _decently_ —as he would like to think—on his own. The piece isn’t finished, but thus far Hyungwon is satisfied with whatever he has.

A knock is heard and Hyungwon turns to the door to see Wonho walking up to him with a can of Pepsi. He opens the can for Hyungwon and passes it to him. The younger scoots a little to give room for the older to seat next to him on the keyboard bench. Hyungwon thanks Wonho and takes a sip of the cool drink while Wonho looks over at the music sheet, examining it carefully.

“That sounds like it’s coming along well, Love,” Wonho compliments, feeling proud of the younger as he places a tender kiss to the side of Hyungwon’s head.

“You think so?” Hyungwon asks, turning his head to the side to look at the older. “I mean, it does sound a little off and I’m nowhere near done but—” Wonho stops the younger’s ramble by giving a peck on his lips.

“I heard what you’ve been playing for a while and yes, there needs to be a few adjustments here and there but overall the melody is beautiful,” Wonho tells him. Hyungwon beams up at the older and Wonho’s heart melts overall to see Hyungwon beaming like a happy puppy.

“Will you help me?” Hyungwon asks as he places the can on the side of the keyboard.

“I’ll help with whatever I can,” Wonho reassures.

“You’re the best!”

“I try to be.”

Hyungwon turns his head back to the sheet on the music rack, scanning through the already written notes all over.

Wonho notices the younger’s instant attention brought back to the music sheet and so he moves closer to Hyungwon and leans in to look over Hyungwon’s shoulder at the sheet in front of them. Wonho, too, reads through the notes carefully and hums slightly to himself from whatever knowledge he still retained of music from before. Hyungwon starts giggling a little with his attention still on the sheet. Wonho’s gaze momentarily averts to Hyungwon and he realises that his close proximity, the way he is literally breathing down the younger’s neck tickles him and he smiles fondly before he, too, looks back.

“Love, this chord right here—” Wonho points to the third bar on the music sheet. “Instead of a _G major_ , I think it would be best if you changed it to _D major_ ,” Wonho tells him.

Hyungwon tilts his head slightly, trying to understand how _D major_ would fit and if it indeed would be better than the _G major_ he wrote down.

“Hm~ Let’s see,” Wonho mumbles and positions his fingers according to the chords. Wonho then starts playing the keyboard, gliding his own fingers following the notes written on Hyungwon’s sheet with the minor tweeks he had mentioned.

Hyungwon sits there, completely stunned by Wonho’s playing and at how he manages to make Hyungwon’s composed song sound somewhat decent—much more decent than he attempted to moments before.

“ _D major_ would fit right in,” Wonho tells the younger nonchalantly like he didn’t just play Hyungwon’s piece so smoothly and almost effortlessly making the song sound (actually) beautiful. “Then right after this _C major_ you can consider adding in _G major_ or _E minor_ , whichever you prefer.”

Hyungwon can’t help the smile forming on his lips. It is a proud smile.

Wonho still got it. Even after all these years, he still got it. That’s not to say that Wonho doesn’t play the keyboard (or the piano) at all. He does, but it is usually for fun or for just mere simple songs like the typical “Happy Birthday Song” and “The Wedding March”.

“Baby?” Hyungwon looks at Wonho who stares at him a little confused, wondering why the younger didn’t say much to his suggestion.

“Oh—Oh right!” Hyungwon quickly jots down on his sheet, taking Wonho’s suggestion into consideration and making the necessary changes to the piece. “Hoseok, what about this second—”

“Uh-uh,” Wonho cuts him midway. “You’ve been sitting here since you came back from uni. I’ve already prepared dinner. Let's eat first then you can get back to your song, okay? ” Wonho says.

Hyungwon nods complacently. Just as Wonho stands, Hyungwon makes grabby hands, wanting Wonho to carry him to the dining table. The older shakes his head with a soft chuckle before bending down to scoop Hyungwon into his arms as the younger circles his arms around the older’s neck. Hyungwon feels content as he rests his head against the older’s chest. Wonho smiles down at Hyungwon, seeing him snuggled against him that Wonho pulls the younger closer into his chest.

“You're really taking advantage of my strength, huh?” Wonho teases.

“Well, I have to make good use of these guns. We wouldn’t them being useless now, would we? Besides, you’re not complaining about carrying me, or are you?” Hyungwon questions with a playful brow raised at the older.

Wonho chuckles, kissing the top of Hyungwon’s head. “I don’t mind it one bit,” Wonho says. “I love doing anything for you. Maybe except anything that requires an _unreasonable_ amount of height like bungee jumping. But other than that, I would rather be spending time with you doing whatever than be anywhere else.”

“Cheddar,” Hyungwon huffs playfully and Wonho laughs out loud with his analogy of being ‘cheesy’.

Wonho sits Hyungwon down on one of the chairs at the kitchen island and Hyungwon thanks him by kissing his cheek and for some reason Wonho blushes. Although it isn’t Hyungwon’s first time showing his appreciation this way but at random moments it does catch Wonho off guard and he blushes, feeling like the lovesick boy he was years before pining for such affection.

The older grabs plates for both of them, filling it with the food he cooked and places Hyungwon’s plate in front of the younger before sitting down in front of Hyungwon with his own plate.

“You’ve still got it,” Hyungwon compliments, taking another spoonful of the stew Wonho made.

“It hasn’t been _that_ long since I last made _Dakdori-tang_.” Wonho snickers.

“The stew is amazing, but I’m not talking about this,” Hyungwon says. “I’m talking about music.”

“You mean what I did just now?” Hyungwon hums. “Love, those were just basic chords. You know them too,” Wonho simply says without much regard.

“Not as well as you know them,” Hyungwon asserts. “I heard you humming to the chords. I know I’m familiar with them but not to the extent where I can hum to it almost instantly like you did. I take ages to figure out if I’m even humming the right chord but you did it so easily. You’ve still got it!” Hyungwon tells him with genuine excitement.

Wonho gives him a smile, but it isn’t as bright as the ones he would usually give. This smile is half-hearted because he didn’t exactly know how to feel about it. Wonho wouldn’t give a second thought on whether he truly still has the talent to compose music like he did back in high school even when there are moments where he would occasionally help Hyungwon in his music class mindlessly.

“Remember that one song you composed for our music class back in high school? The one where the teacher asked us all to perform our piece.” Hyungwon reminisces, smiling at the memory.

He remembers how the timid Hoseok everyone knew trembled as he got in front of the class to play his short self composed piece. He remembers how he had comforted the boy, telling him to only focus on him if everyone else’s eyes intimidated him. He remembers the boy doing just that, gaze occasionally falling to the sheet in front of him and sometimes they timidly lifted up to look at Hyungwon who would have a permanent smile plastered on his face looking so proud and lovingly at him that it really did ease Wonho back then.

“That was a really nice song,” Hyungwon tells him.

“Of course you would think so,” Wonho deadpans. “You knew it was for _you_ anyways.”

Hyungwon stills.

“I’m sorry—W—What?” Hyungwon questions, voice evident with shock.

Wonho frowns. He puts his spoon down when he notices the genuine confusion on Hyungwon’s face.

“That song I played, I played it for _you_. That day I looked at you when I played it, remember?” Wonho explains, frowning when it seems like the younger is only getting even more confused by the moment.

“I—I told you to look at me when you got nervous—”

“You did,” Wonho confirms. “I was nervous and yes, I looked at you but not because you told me to. It's because I wrote the piece for you.”

Hyungwon’s mouth gapes open as he stares incredulously at the older. Wonho’s frown only deepens.

“Wait, you really don’t know?” Hyungwon shakes his head, completely speechless now. “I—I thought maybe Shownu or even Kihyun would’ve told you about it.”

“They—They didn’t,” Hyungwon stutters. “Nobody said anything. Y—You didn’t say anything either back then...”

“That’s because I couldn’t.”

“Hoseok…”

“Hyungwon, I looked at you while I performed the piece because back then that was all I could do.” 

Perhaps it is the desperation in Wonho’s voice or it is the sadness in that pained sentence, whatever it was it breaks Hyungwon's heart hearing it because thus far Hyungwon only knew how painful it was for himself to pine after Wonho while he hadn't realized how painful it must've been for Wonho as well. 

Something in Hyungwon stirs uncomfortably in the pit of his stomach with the lump suddenly growing in his chest as his mind couldn’t really comprehend what Wonho had just said. The memory that he had, of the sweet nervous boy going up to perform his piece, he never once thought that he was hiding such deep emotions and that he actually played his heart out that day for Hyungwon.

Hyungwon got a glimpse of Wonho's languish back then and it doesn't settle well with him. 

Hyungwon doesn’t question Wonho, at least not for now, not when he can barely properly comprehend this new extension to a memory he thought was _sweet_.

So for now Hyungwon smiles up to Wonho, managing to muster a forceful smile that looks genuine enough. With a slightly shaking hand, he reaches over to Wonho’s hand and squeezes it.

“It was a really lovely song,” Hyungwon tells him again, so sincere, but this time it is infused with guilt. 


	13. 𝟏𝟏

**⚠ Mentions of blood and implied abuse and suicide attempt ⚠**

**Hoseok is full on sobbing at this point.**

**Hyungwon’s screaming had, finally, stopped but his cries only got louder and louder with each one being induced with a new wave of pain.**

**Hoseok doesn’t know if the younger is crying from the physical pain or the emotional embarrassment. Either way Hyungwon is crying so much, in a way Hoseok has never seen or heard before, and it's breaking his heart more and more as the seconds pass by.**

**Hoseok didn’t think he could hate himself anymore than he does now, how he simply watched how those guys tortured Hyungwon while they held him down, evilly made sure Hoseok witnessed everything while they wickedly abused the one person he loves so dearly. They knew he was helpless and they took advantage of that—Hoseok had let himself get taken advantage of like that and God does he hate himself.**

**Hoseok gets up from where he is and slowly tries to approach Hyungwon who is left laying in his own blood on the ground a few feet away from him. Hyungwon’s pain-dazed eyes stare up to the bright sky that is just plain mockery now because it is a beautiful day, after so many days of rain the sun is shiny so bright with just the right amount of warmth and light breeze. The sky is the colour of soft sky blue while Hyungwon’s soul now bleeds a deep, disgusting Prussian blue.**

**Hoseok is still crying, hiccupping occasionally as he tries to wipe the blurriness away from his eyes. He needs to get to Hyungwon. He needs to reassure the younger that he isn’t alone right now.**

**“H—Hyungwon,” Hoseok stutters.**

**Hyungwon whimpers but it isn’t a response to Hoseok calling his name but the reaction to the pain and utter shame that’s clouding his vision and mind. The younger’s eyes shakily scans around him and he whimpers another time seeing the amount of blood.**

**“Hy—Hyungwonnie,” Hoseok calls another time, partially choking from another oncoming sob. And this time Hyungwon hears him but he flinches and falls back landing painfully on his bum and badly wounded hands.**

**“N—No!” Hyungwon screams in utmost fear. “No more! Pl—Please! N—No mo—more!”**

**Hoseok can’t help but cry harder hearing Hyungwon plead like this, so broken Hyungwon. The once strong, confident Hyungwon didn’t exist anymore. The guy before him looks like someone completely different, someone he barely recognises. He almost seems like a mirror reflection of Hoseok himself—the scared and timid boy he is and that truly scares Hoseok because more than anything he wouldn’t ever want Hyungwon to be like him.**

**“It’s me,” Hoseok murmurs sadly. Hoseok bends down in front of Hyungwon who is visibly trembling now and he hates this sight so much. He hates how such intense fear pools in the younger’s eyes as they burn bloodshot, producing new sets of tears every minute.**

**But Hyungwon doesn’t look at him, not right at him.**

**Instead of seeking comfort from the older, Hyungwon stands, ignoring the coursing pain throughout his body from the bruises and open wounds that licked every inch of his body. Hoseok is left frozen in his spot as he watches with widened eyes Hyungwon running to the edge of the roof. Hoseok’s breath immediately gets caught in his throat when Hyungwon stops only inches away from the edge, just a slight sway of his body forward will have him falling.**

**Hoseok knows he should get up, run to Hyungwon and pull him as far away as possible from the edge. But he couldn’t. His feet just wouldn’t give way, they wouldn’t move no matter how much Hoseok tries and he could scream at himself again for this.**

**It is then Hyungwon turns to look right at Hoseok and the sheer hollowness of the younger’s now soulless eyes causes Hoseok’s chest to sink deeply.**

**“Y—You could’ve done s—something,” Hyungwon says, directing the words to none other than Hoseok. “Wh—Why didn’t y—you?”**

**“I—Hyungwon—I—I’m s—sorry! I—”**

**“Sorry w—won’t change anything, H—Hoseok.”**

**Hyungwon inches closer to the edge and Hoseok screams desperately, pleading but they all fall deaf to Hyungwon who takes a step forward and falls.**

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

Hyungwon wakes up to the restless body next to him. And this alarms him when it strikes him that Wonho is the one beside him. Hyungwon quickly sits up to look over at Wonho who is clenching onto their comforter so tightly with his face scrunched up in some sort of discomfort.

Hyungwon instantly knows that Wonho is having a nightmare, again.

“Hoseok,” Hyungwon calls and he hears the older male whimper but Hyungwon isn’t sure if Wonho even heard an ounce of him.

Hyungwon starts to slowly remove Wonho’s painful grip on their comforter seeing as his knuckles are turning a concerning white because he knows he’ll only hurt himself when he wakes up. It is a struggle, but thankfully Hyungwon manages to loosen the older’s grip. Wonho lets out another whimper, only this time it is choked up, like he is about to cry.

“Baby,” Hyungwon calls a little louder now. Hyungwon carefully pins both Wonho’s arms to the side as he climbs on the older, straddling his hips. He sees Wonho’s eyes trembling and his badly bitten lips wobbling just as a tear strays from his closed eyes.

Hyungwon leans down to caress Wonho’s cheek. He didn’t want to wake the older up straight like this in the middle of his nightmare because the first few times he’s done that didn’t exactly end so well, mostly on Wonho’s part and so throughout the year Hyungwon learnt to slowly, softly coax Wonho out of his nightmare with his light touches and soothing voice.

The younger places a longing kiss on the older’s forehead as he tries his best to intertwine one of his hands with Wonho’s. Wonho whimpers another time and this time his entire demeanor falters leaving him looking so broken and defeated.

“I’m here,” Hyungwon says. “It’s just a bad dream. Everything will be okay.”

“NO!” Wonho screams out loud with a violent jolt and his eyes finally open to reveal his distressed bloodshot gaze.

Hyungwon quickly cups the older’s cheek to keep his distressed gaze right on his. “Shh~ You’re okay. It was just a dream.”

When Wonho sees Hyungwon sitting right on him and he hears his sweet voice he swears he nearly breaks down right then and there. It almost feels like this Hyungwon right in front of him is too good to be true, feeling betrayed by his own mind for playing such a sick game when he had just witnessed Hyungwon dying before his eyes.

But Hyungwon’s voice is so clear and his cold touch, his fingertips grazing his skin feels so solid. And perhaps that is when he lets another one of his tears fall, this time out of sheer relief.

The older quickly sits up and engulfs the younger into a tight hug. He gives repeated kisses on the younger’s neck and he just savors the younger’s presence overall.

Hyungwon can feel more tears from the older trailing down his bare skin. There are only a few times Hyungwon has seen him like this and every single time only breaks his heart even more because Wonho is usually so guarded when it comes to anything emotional so to see the older this shattered over a nightmare, he knows it must be a pretty horrible one to get the older this shaken.

Wonho tries to stop himself from crying but he couldn’t. He hates crying more than anything. But this nightmare was too vivid, too real, just like his other nightmares. The screaming—Hyungwon’s screaming—sounded so real, so close to him, yet so far away. And watching Hyungwon fall right before his eyes; that one in particular sent an instant chill down Wonho’s spine when that memory from his horrid dream replays in his head.

“I’m so sorry, my love,” Wonho apologizes. Hyungwon frowns. The younger isn’t foreign to the older’s rambles after his nightmares yet every single time it confuses him why the older always apologizes right after.

“Hoseok, baby, why are you sorry?” Hyungwon questions softly as he swipes his thumb over the older’s cheek where another tear has fallen. Although he knows he won’t get the definite answer he hopes for but he hopes to at least get a gist of what scared the older so much.

Hyungwon never knows what Wonho’s nightmares are about because the older refuses to talk about them or he would simply say that he doesn’t remember, which is a clear lie. Whatever the nightmares are, it always leaves Wonho so broken and sad at the end of it all.

“I’ll protect you, baby,” Wonho rambles. “I won’t ever let anyone hurt you again. Just please don’t leave me, okay?” Wonho questions brokenly as he leans back to look at Hyungwon. And this altogether clenches Hyungwon’s heart.

“Hoseok, I’m not leaving you. I will never leave you, Sweets,” Hyungwon tells him. The younger then gently brings Wonho’s head back to his own chest and he cradles it lovingly. Wonho wraps his arms around the younger’s waist and pulls him as closely as he possibly can towards his own body, making sure Hyungwon wouldn’t be able to slip through his grasp.

“I’m s—sorry that I—I didn’t protect you,” Wonho stutters heavily with guilt. Hyungwon isn’t sure what Wonho is talking about but he assumes that the older is still babbling about his nightmare. Hyungwon cards his fingers through the older’s hair to calm him down.

“Whatever it was, it wasn’t your fault,” Hyungwon tells him softly.

“I—I could’ve done something,” Wonho babbles on. “I could’ve he—helped you. I could’ve sto—stopped it.”

“I’m sure you did all you could, Hoseok,” Hyungwon whispers then places a kiss on the tip of Wonho’s ear before pulling back to look at Wonho again. “Whatever happened, whatever you dreamed of, it wasn’t your fault.”

But Wonho adamantly shakes his head because he knows that it is his fault.

His nightmares are always pieces of his actual memories, although they are twisted in different ways but they are still figments of the incident of that one fateful day and somehow they always almost end the same ghastly way.

What Wonho hates the most about these nightmares is the fact that he feels just as useless and helpless as he did on that very day. He was too much of a wimp to do anything. He was only weak enough to witness everything while others laughed and Hyungwon cried. Those laughters are burned into his head and Hyungwon’s gut-wrenching cries are etched into his memory.

“I can’t l—lose you,” Wonho whimpers so defeatedly and anyone who sees this side of Wonho wouldn’t for once believe that is the same ruthless guy that strides down the university’s hallway excluding confidence and intimidation. The guy that they know is always ready to get into any fight for the sake of his lover, throwing unapologetic punches and sharp profanities left and right. People only know that much.

They didn’t know that Wonho would literally surrender down to his knees if God forbid something does happen to Hyungwon, again, and Wonho isn’t there to do anything.

“Hoseok, baby, look at me,” Hyungwon commands softly. Wonho’s eyes that are painfully bloodshot lift up to look at Hyungwon. “You’re not going to lose me. I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here, aren’t I? And I’m always going to be here, with you, baby.”

Wonho falls silent. He sniffles lightly and Hyungwon can feel the older’s fingers rubbing the small of his back as their gazes are still fixed on each other.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Hyungwon asks softly and Wonho shakes his head faintly, like he always does. “That’s okay,” he reassures and plants a kiss between the older’s brows. “I love you,” Hyungwon tells him. For some reason Wonho’s eyes widened as though he was completely surprised that Hyungwon even uttered these words.

And for a split moment Hyungwon sees it, he sees the vulnerable, timid Lee Hoseok staring back at him and God did his heart sink further.

“I—I love y—you,” Wonho affirms. Hyungwon manages to muster a small smile at that.

“Do you want to go back to sleep? We still have some time before we actually need to get ready.”

Wonho shakes his head another time. He wouldn’t admit it but he is afraid to close his eyes and have that same nightmare repeat itself again. The older just sighs and lays his head forehead against Hyungwon’s shoulder.

“How about we watch some TV?” the younger suggests now.

“That—would be nice.”

Hyungwon wipes the remaining tears away from the older’s eyes and nuzzles his nose against the other’s to which Wonho lets out a wet chuckle.

“I love you,” Wonho professes another time.

Hyungwon kisses Wonho’s lips, smiling at him a little more widely.

They end up getting out of bed to cuddle on the sofa in front of the TV with the comforter draped over them. They flipped through the channels and eventually agreed to watch Friends. Hyungwon snuggles comfortably in Wonho’s arms and they settle into a comfortable silence, where Wonho would sometimes kiss Hyungwon’s shoulders or Hyungwon would bring their intertwined hands up and let his lips linger over the top of Wonho’s hand and they would laugh along with the show.

They stay that way the entire time until they have to get ready for university. And when Wonho and Hyungwon step foot into the familiar noisy hall it’s as though the whole scenario back at home never happened—Wonho has on his cold demeanor and beady eyes staring down at anyone he sees looking at their way in an unpleasant way all while he has his protective arm around Hyungwon’s waist, who is already smiling, waving at Minhyuk that he had just spotted down the hallway.

They act like nothing happened and they never discussed the nightmare or the conversation they had after that again after that one time. 


	14. 𝟏𝟐

Minhyuk thinks his puppy eyes are effective enough persuasion to get whatever he wants. He likes to think that even the world’s hardest person to persuade would instantly say ‘yes’ to him because he is just _that_ persuasive—at least in Minhyuk’s mind, he is.

This is why he is now beaming brightly as he pours in the corn kernels into a bowl in Shownu’s exquisitely-furnished kitchen while Shownu gives him a questionable look as he leans by the kitchen door with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Did you just decide to have a spontaneous movie night at _my_ home theatre?” Shownu questions—being sure to emphasize the word ‘ _my’_ —with furrowed brows as he walks towards Minhyuk.

“Indeed. Glad you’re quick at catching my drift, my friend,” Minhyuk exclaims then flashes a bright smile right at the third-year student. Shownu doesn’t argue in this because he hasn’t had anything planned for the evening so he figures _why not_.

“So you’re planning to call anyone else or will it just be you and me?”

“You would like that, wouldn’t you,” Minhyuk goads. Shownu fakes a gag as he holds his chest dramatically to which Minhyuk just laughs off. He pats Shownu’s cheek lightly and says, "Don’t worry Mr. Son, you’re not my type. Besides, ‘ _The more the merrier’_ they say,” Minhyuk chirps.

Minhyuk calls Changkyun who was already with Jooheon and so he invited them both simultaneously over the speaker while Shownu calls Kihyun which needed a bit more persuasion with the excuse that he wanted to do his assignment, but with the brief mention that Changkyun is, too, coming over, it almost seems like Kihyun didn’t know what assignment he was talking about only minutes before.

“I’ll try calling Wonho,” Shownu offers.

“Trust me, we should just call Hyungwon instead,” Minhyuk says but it falls deaf to the third-year’s ears as he already presses his phone against his ear with Wonho’s number dialed.

Minhyuk lets out a sigh and wearily watches the exchange of conversation between Shownu and Wonho to which he predicts would not last more than five minutes. Minhyuk leans forward and rests his face on his palms on the kitchen counter as he listens to Shownu trying to persuade the other (very much stubborn) third-year.

When Minhyuk hears the defeated sigh release from the older male as he puts his phone down, he quickly checks the time and snickers. The conversations only lasted for three minutes, it’s record-breaking but more than anything it was entertaining, for Minhyuk at least.

“Can I call Hyungwon now?” Minhyuk asks, amusement thickly laced in his voice. Shownu lets out a low grunt and mumbles something along the line of _‘Sure’_. Minhyuk calls Hyungwon after that, his friend quickly picks up after a few rings.

“ _—_ _no, Love_ _—_ ” Wonho’s voice is instantly heard over the line.

“Maybe it’s different,” Minhyuk hears Hyungwon tell Wonho and he has to hold back the chuckle because he knows that Wonho is complaining to Hyungwon about the phone call he had with Shownu and he must’ve figured out that Minhyuk called for the exact same reason.

“Hey Min,” Hyungwon says over the line. Minhyuk can hear the faint grumbling at the back but chooses to disregard it.

“Hey! I’m sure you’ve heard that Shownu called, right?” Hyungwon hums.

“Hoseok said it was something about doing a group project?”

“Group project my ass!” Minhyuk retorts, bursting into a fitful laugh knowing Wonho’s nature so well. “I was thinking about inviting everyone over for a movie at Shownu’s home theater.”

“A movie? _Sweets!_ ” Hyungwon says, and he knows that the taller is talking to his boyfriend now. “Why wouldn’t you want to watch a movie~” Hyungwon whines to Wonho. Wonho does answer something but Minhyuk couldn’t quite catch the words properly. Hyungwon replies something as well and Minhyuk can only pick up another grunt from Wonho.

“ _Baby_ _—_ ”

“We’ll be there in thirty minutes, Min. Hoseok and I are actually out now.”

“No problem!”

So, while Minhyuk is busy preparing the many snacks for his spontaneous movie idea (at a home theater that isn’t even his), Shownu is busy attending the door whenever the doorbell rings. First arrives Changkyun and Jooheon then fifteen minutes later Kihyun and as expected Wonho and Hyungwon come much later after that and that too it is Minhyuk who answers the door this time once he is done preparing the snacks.

“Hi!” Minhyuk greets the couple ever so happily. Hyungwon smiles at his friend brightly and gives him a hug before he disappears into Shownu’s house. Then Minhyuk is face-to-face with a fuming Wonho.

“Fuck you,” is the first thing Wonho says but Minhyuk takes none of it to heart.

“Aw, hello to you too!” Minhyuk greets back, enthusiasm completely overflowing from him. He steps aside to let the built-male step into the house.

Wonho catches up with Hyungwon and they navigate their way into Shownu’s home theatre, one they’ve all been to before several times. The couple is instantly greeted with a chorus of ‘hi’s and ‘hello’s when they open the door.

Shownu’s home theatre does have the regular cinema chairs, about a couple of rows of them (with three couple seats), and he also has an unreasonable amount of bean bags right up at the front of the large screen where mostly everyone will opt to sit most of the time.

Wonho and Hyungwon both split once they walk down into the mini theatre hall; Hyungwon goes to Changkyun who instantly calls him over once he sees him while Wonho sits at one of the couple seats and pulls out his phone, already dreading the coming hours.

Hyungwon plops down the empty bean bag next to Changkyun and the younger hugs the taller male almost instantly. “Miss me that much, Kyun?” Hyungwon teases, hugging the boy back.

“Kihyun hyung is so annoying,” Changkyun grumbles, pressing the side of his face against Hyungwon’s chest.

“What did he do this time?”

Changkyun huffs, pulling away slightly to show the utter disappointment in the younger’s face.

“I invited Kihyun hyung out for bubble tea after this movie and he said _‘Sure! I’ll go ask the rest if they want to join’_ ,” Changkyun tells him incredulously. “Like, what? Hyung, I don’t think I have subtly implied that I wanted _everyone else_ to follow—no offense, hyung.”

“None taken,” Hyungwon responds lightly, completely understanding where the younger is coming from.

“I’m just—Ugh! Why can’t he get it that I want to spend time with him, _alone_ —just _him_?” Changkyun says, sounding almost defeated. “Is it always this frustrating at the start of a relationship?” Changkyun asks, looking up at Hyungwon expectedly like he has all the answers in the whole for any type of relationship advice.

“It all really depends, Changkyunnie,” Hyungwon tells him, hugging the boy by the side while caressing his back comfortingly. “But that’s not to say that things will be smooth sailing once you both have confessed. Being in a relationship has its hurdles as well.”

“I wish it was as simple as you and Wonho hyung’s relationship,” Changkyun mumbles unknowingly.

“What do you mean?”

“You and Wonho hyung are literally so perfect for each other. You both are so madly in love with each other. I want that too—that perfect relationship.”

Hyungwon’s chest sinks hearing this because as far as he knows their relationship is so far from perfect. It should be a compliment, being told that he and Wonho are the perfect couple but to Hyungwon it feels odd being told that. What more when some people even say that they wish they had what he and Wonho have to which Hyungwon can only hope they don’t because it isn’t all sunshine and unicorn pooping rainbows to get to where both Wonho and he are now.

They don’t know the heartache both of them went through. They don’t know the silent pining moments and the many thoughts of having to one day get used to the fact that they simply couldn’t be with each other years ago. They’ve been through hell and back together, something he, and even Wonho, wouldn’t ever wish upon anyone, not even to the people that have wronged them.

Hyungwon and Wonho aren’t perfect. If they just take a moment to peel back the layer they call _perfect_ , they would see all the hairline cracks that make up this relationship.

Right behind them, Wonho’s focus is long gone from his phone since his gaze had been fully on Hyungwon and Changkyun throughout the whole interaction. He didn’t even notice the bag of popcorn being dangled in front of him until it was moved to get his attention. He gives a terse glance towards Minhyuk before looking back to the front.

“I’ll pass,” Wonho says and Minhyuk finds it odd because Wonho loves popcorn and would usually get at least two bags of them even if he hated the movie being played.

That’s when he takes into account the older’s unusual body languages; like the way Wonho just overall seemed so on edge and usually, he isn’t like this, not when he isn’t around Hyungwon or even when Hyungwon is talking to one of his friends. One more noticeable action is the way Wonho is tapping his right foot at a quick pace and he knows it’s an anxious habit he has had since high school which only has him questioning: _Why would Wonho be anxious when Hyungwon is within his sight?_

But he doesn’t ask and just walks away to offer the other bags of popcorn to everyone else because he knows how defensive Wonho usually gets especially when it comes to his personal emotions.

“You’re being a little too obvious,” Shownu whispers to Wonho as he passes a large cup filled with Pepsi. Wonho takes it and places it in the cup holder beside him. “You do know Changkyun is helplessly in love with Kihyun, right?”

He did know that, he isn’t stupid. And the thing is Wonho isn’t jealous, not the slightest. He isn’t even angry at the fact that both Hyungwon and Changkyun are touchy with each other because that’s how they’ve always been.

But he is indeed restless.

“Of course I know that he is _helplessly_ in love with Kihyun,” Wonho retorts.

He didn’t know how to explain to Shownu about this itching need to have Hyungwon close, especially after the nightmare he had a day ago. It takes a certain specific nightmare to make Wonho _this_ on edge with the constant need of reassurance to have Hyungwon close to him.

“What are we watching anyway?” Kihyun asks out loud, looking over his shoulder to where Minhyuk had just kept the remaining bags of popcorn on the table nearby, and is walking back to an empty bean bag.

“ **Avengers: Age of Ultron**!” Minhyuk exclaims happily. “Shownu, you can start it now.” Shownu nods and presses the remote towards the projector to start the movie. Shownu then turns the lights off in the hall with another press of the button which is then accompanied by Minhyuk and Jooheon screaming excitedly and Kihyun shussing the both of them.

Wonho takes one final glance at Hyungwon and sighs, going back to his phone now that the lights are dimmed.

Call him obsessive, maybe he is, but he is also someone who is deeply traumatized from losing his grasp on Hyungwon once. Although he knows that there isn’t any apparent threat now that will harm Hyungwon, still this anxious feeling never left him, if anything it heightened more than before now that he is able to hold Hyungwon, to kiss him, to _love_ him.

He feels like now he truly has something to lose if he isn’t careful and that terrifies him immensely.

Somewhere in the middle of the movie when everyone’s full attention is glued on the screen, Hyungwon manages to slip past Changkyun and makes his way to the love seat where Wonho is, concentrating solely on his phone as he reads through the news website than paying single attention to the movie.

When the older feels the sudden presence beside him, he looks up from his phone with genuine confusion upon seeing his lover standing in front of him.

“What’s wrong, love?” Wonho asks as he keeps his phone aside. Hyungwon sits down beside him and slitters his arms around Wonho’s torso and Wonho engulfs the younger into his own arms. Hyungwon hums in content, soaking in the warmth the older never fails to provide him.

“Warm,” Hyungwon mumbles and Wonho chuckles softly, hugging him tighter. He plants a kiss right on the top of Hyungwon’s head before rubbing the younger’s arm to create friction for heat.

“Are you feeling better?”

Hyungwon hums, nodding his head.

Wonho feels so much better too, having to hold Hyungwon close to him. Feeling the younger’s body pressed against his is like finally being able to breathe so much properly now.

“I love you,” Wonho whispers into Hyungwon’s ear and Hyungwon looks up with a soft smile. Wonho just felt the need to tell the younger this. There isn’t a special reason, but perhaps the sheer relief and utter contentment he feels right now made him say it.

Hyungwon pecks the older’s cold lips and says, “I love you too,” sincerely, wholeheartedly.

The younger turns his head back to the screen, snuggling comfortably in Wonho’s embrace who holds him securely. The older then goes back to his phone with one hand while the other traces miscellaneous patterns on the younger’s waist.

It is Minhyuk who sees how Wonho is (finally) content once he has Hyungwon in his arms again. He knows there’s something wrong and it is not just from Wonho’s usual behaviour today. Minhyuk has been putting off this unsettling feeling in his chest for a few years now but unfortunately, he can’t seem to avoid the constant poke to his gut because now Minhyuk is slowly starting to see the cracks that are slowly surfacing.

Hyungwon and Wonho may seem perfect, so filled with love and affection, embracing each other from one sweet moment to the next but many can’t see the shrouded strain being put on the existing hairline cracks that are only growing and getting bigger, tempering their foundation. 

The thing is, these cracks are not only in Hyungwon and Wonho’s relationship, but it is also in their friendship with the rest of them.


	15. 𝟏𝟑

_Wonho was already waiting outside the library just like he promised when Hyungwon walked out. And the younger smiled which warmed the older's heart instantly._

_"Hey," Wonho said, circling his arm over Hyungwon's shoulder, which seemed to be a habit now_ _—a habit Hyungwon didn't mind._

_"H—Hi," Hyungwon said back, still feeling a little shy. "H—How was c—class?" Wonho smiled warmly at Hyungwon, happy that the younger was breaking out of his shell to get closer to him, like how they were before._

_"Class was okay. I was just given another assignment which is pretty shitty but other than that it is manageable. How was yours? Is everything going okay?"_

_"Yea... We—We went through the course outline for most classes already and it's—" Hyungwon sighed, hesitating if he should even go into full detail of what he was truly feeling._

_"Hey, what's wrong?" Wonho asked, dripping with concern as he stopped in his tracks to properly look at Hyungwon. He could see the younger's hesitancy in his eyes and he hated that because it was never there before. Hyungwon was always transparent with him and he always confided in him just like Wonho confided in Hyungwon. "You can tell me," Wonho coaxed, trying to reassure Hyungwon that he was indeed the same_ Hoseok _he knew._

_And maybe at that moment, Hyungwon wanted to believe that it really was Hoseok, that despite the change in psychic and overall attitude, that beneath those piercings and tattoos Lee Hoseok was still here, that he was standing in front of him._

_"I didn't think there would be_ this _many group works," Hyungwon mumbled._

_"You don't like group works?" Wonho asked carefully as though he didn't know Hyungwon at all._

_"I—" Hyungwon sighed another time. "I hate group work."_

_And of course, it surprised Wonho yet again, another thing he wasn't familiar with because the old Hyungwon loved working in groups because it gave him the excuse of not doing the whole assignment on his own. Yet this Hyungwon, that was slightly trembling, uttered something he used to love. And for some reason, it stung Wonho's heart to see this change._

_Wonho didn't know what to say. So instead, he pulled Hyungwon into his embrace and just hugged him seeing how overwhelmed Hyungwon seemed right now. Hyungwon accepted the hug but when he tried to relax in the older's arms he saw the beady glares from other students right at them—more specifically, right at_ him _. Hyungwon felt even smaller than he did before._

_"It'll be okay," Wonho whispered as he pulled back. He offered a small smile towards the younger and Hyungwon forced his own smile, trying not to mind the glares on him but it was hard to simply disregard the eyes that almost felt like needles piercing his skin from how sharp they were._

_Wonho had invited Hyungwon over to his apartment later that day. Hyungwon had come to find out that Wonho had moved out from his parents' house and found a place of his own that was much closer to the university._

_"Hyungwon?" Wonho called the younger who seemed so out of it since they had left campus. Hyungwon jumped slightly and looked up at Wonho seeming slightly confused. Wonho took a seat beside Hyungwon on the sofa whose head was now hung low from how embarrassed he felt._

_It felt like he had been making such a fool of himself, it wasn't like he already didn't, but it seemed so much worse now that he was with Wonho._

_Hyungwon wasn't as confident as he was before. If anything he was so ashamed of himself that he felt like a worthless nothing standing next to Wonho. Maybe that was why people gave him the stink eyes whenever anyone saw Hyungwon with Wonho because even they knew Wonho shouldn't be spending time with someone like Hyungwon._

_"What's been bothering you?" the older asked softly._

_"H—Huh?" Hyungwon's gaze wavered and he gulped._

Should he even say this?

_But Wonho deserved to know this maybe then he would stop pretending to be kind to him just because he pitied who Hyungwon was now. Lord knew people in high school pitied him and Hyungwon knew that at times even Minhyuk pitied him. Who wouldn't really at this point? Even Hyungwon pitied his own self._

_"I don't think people like me hanging out with you," Hyungwon said softly, sounding shameful._

_"Why do you say that?" Wonho questioned with a deep frown, confused._

_"Don't you see the way people stare_ _—at_ us _?"_

_"Does it bother you?" Wonho asked._

_"It's just, I_ _—I_ _don't want you to_ _hang around me just because y—you pity me," Hyungwon let out._

_Wonho visibly stilled and Hyungwon noticed this. He knew he shouldn't have said something this hurtful but at the same time hiding behind a sweet lie would only hurt more later on._

_"You think that's why I've been around you all these while? It's because I pity you?" Hyungwon stayed silent. "Hyungwon, do you really believe that?" Wonho asked and Hyungwon was puzzled as to why Wonho genuinely sounded hurt._

_"Isn't it though?" Hyungwon's voice only got softer. Hyungwon dared lift his gaze up to meet the older and just as he heard the hurt in the older's voice, his eyes glossed the same way as well._

_"No," Wonho told him, soft yet firm. "I hang around you because I want to, not because I pity you."_

_"H—Hoseok..." That name sent a shiver down Wonho's spine. He still wasn't used to the fact that Hyungwon kept calling him by his actual name rather than the name he wanted him (as well as everyone else) to call him by._

_"Did someone say anything to you?" Wonho asked now, and the younger can hear the anger arising from the older._

_"No—No one in p—particular..." he trailed off._

_"Hyungwon..."_

_"It's just the whispers around," Hyungwon said. Wonho could get annoyed, mad even but it would only upset Hyungwon even more than he already was now._

_Wonho sighed._

_When Wonho properly looked at Hyungwon he realised that the younger male was shaking slightly with his head once again lowered and he was fidgeting with his fingers a little more than normal to the point his nails were leaving scratch marks on his hands._

_This sight itself broke Wonho's heart because this Hyungwon just looked so_ broken _._

_He felt a sense of loss. He didn't even feel this way when he changed when he completely threw his old self out of his life, and yet he felt this clench in his heart knowing that the Hyungwon next to him wasn't the same person who had protected him multiple times, who had stood up for him in moments the older simply couldn't, the same Hyungwn who intimidated people, not vice versa._

_Wonho brought his hand up to the younger's face and Hyungwon did visibly flinch a little (which was the norm now) but he eased himself knowing it was only Wonho—his Hoseok. Wonho grazed his thumb over Hyungwon's cheekbone before tilting his head up so that the younger's gaze met his again._

_Something prompted Wonho to inch closer, it could perhaps be the fact that Hyungwon didn't slap his hand away or even move away from him altogether. Or it could be the fact that Wonho's heart was beating so much faster than it usually would and the sudden feeling resurfacing started stirring in his stomach. Or maybe it was the fact that Hyungwon's eyes held such longing like he was begging Wonho to come closer for reassurance and comfort._

_When both their noses were touching and they could feel each other's breaths fanning against their faces that was when Wonho stopped momentarily, waiting for any sign of the younger's hesitancy. But he got none. Hyungwon was looking up at him expectantly._

_He went closer again, their lips only inches apart. Wonho whispered, "Stop me," just for Hyungwon's ears as he inched closer. He gave Hyungwon a chance to stop him at any moment but when he didn't Wonho inched closer and closer._

_When their lips finally met for the very first time, Wonho was instantly hooked. He had always thought about kissing Hyungwon for a long time and to finally be able to, even if it could be their last, he was happy. But he didn't push it for the kiss to be rough. He didn't want to overwhelm Hyungwon as it is._

_It was after a while that Hyungwon responded, kissing back. Wonho moved to cup the younger's cheeks, deepening the kiss to which Hyungwon leaned in more, kissing back equally as hard as the older. Hyungwon rested his hands against Wonho's chest and slowly he clenched the material beneath his fingers, wanting more from this kiss._

_Kissing Wonho felt like a breath of fresh air, something he had been craving for, the pair of lips he had been longing for. Hyungwon didn't think he ever needed affection. Loving someone so close to him yet from a distance was sad, but Hyungwon thought he could live with it, that he would pacify himself into thinking that that was enough at that moment. But now he had this, he felt selfish, he didn't want to let this moment slip away. He wanted more if anything._

_"I love you," Wonho whispered out. The words felt right, flowing out so naturally as though he has said it so many times to the younger when really this was his first-ever confession of his love._

_Hyungwon gasped softly, widened eyes slowly turning glossy because fuck was he desperate to hear these words. And to say them as well._

_"It's okay if you don't feel the same. I just really want you to know this," Wonho told him as he tucked Hyungwon's fallen hair to the back of his ear, smiling softly at him._

_"I love you too," Hyungwon croaked out and this left Wonho speechless, never expecting such an answer then, or even now._

_"Hy—Hyungwon..."_

_"Please don't leave me again," was what Hyungwon whispered next._

_Wonho embraced the younger into his safe arms, whispering promises to never leave him, to always protect him, and to love him for the times he couldn't._

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

  
Hyungwon taps Changkyun's shoulder and the younger jolts slightly, getting too lost in the high-volumed lo-fi tune playing through his AirPods that he manages to zone out everything else around him. The younger take out one side of the AirPods and looks up at Hyungwon.

"Coffee?" the older asks and Changkyun breaks into a full-blown smile, nodding at that. They have been studying for long hours now and a good cold iced Americano is something Changkyun really needed.

Hyungwon and Changkyun end up walking to the nearest campus cafe to order their drinks. They decided to take some rest from studying and so they settled at a table in the far corner, simply enjoying the calming aesthetic of the cafe as they sip their iced Americano.

"Man, I can't wait for finals to be over. I'm so done with uni as it is," Changkyun exasperates.

"You're only in your first year," Hyungwon states, shaking his head. Changkyun lifts a brow. "Don't worry Changkyunnie, you have two more years to go," Hyungwon says oh-so encouragingly as he pats the younger's back.

"Hyung~" Changkyun whines, clearly displeased with the reality being told by Hyungwon. Just as Changkyun is about to retort more of his stance his phone vibrates in his pocket. Changkyun's face almost instantly lights up upon seeing who it is sending him a text. Hyungwon, of course, takes note of the notable change in mood from the younger and smirk, knowing exactly who could put a smile that bright on the younger's face.

"It's Kihyun, no?" Hyungwon says, nudging the younger's arm beside him. Changkyun looks up from his phone and his smile widens.

"He's asking me if I'm free after my last paper on Friday," Changkyun tells him before going back to type in a quick reply. "Could it be? Is he finally asking me out?"

"Maybe~" Hyungwon answers just as his own phone pings. Hyungwon's own smile widens seeing that it is a text from Wonho before his jaw drops and his eyes boggle incredulously.

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

**Hotteok✨**

**Hotteok✨:**

hi love🥰

 **Hyungwon:**  
YOU DYED UR FUCKING HAIR??  
LEE HOSEOK WHAT THE FUCK

 **Hotteok✨:**  
do you like it🥺

 **Hyungwon:**  
LEE HOSOEK WHQT TGE FVVK

 **Hotteok✨:**  
baby🥺🥺

 **Hyungwon:**  
what made you think it was a good idea??

 **Hotteok✨:**  
i like to call it impulsive-after-final-exam syndrome

 **Hyungwon:**  
-__-  
that is not an actual syndrome

 **Hotteok✨:**  
it'll be once i coin it  
watch people use it in research papers in the near future  
now do i look good or do i look hot  
😏

 **Hyungwon:**  
eye _—_  
i mean   
it's not /that/ bad

 **Hotteok✨:**  
no wait is it really that bad

 **Hyungwon:**  
i said NOT /that/ bad

 **Hotteok✨:**  
love😢

 **Hyungwon:**  
i mean it's new...  
no more black hair  
very different yes

 **Hotteok✨:**  
no shit🙃

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

"These Economics students are really living the life now," Hyungwon grumbles at the fact that Economics students are already done with their finals while the remaining students have another two more days to go, and also referring to both Shownu and Wonho. Changkyun leans over and gasps when he sees the picture of Wonho blonde.

"Oh fuck! Wonho hyung went blonde?" Changkyun exclaims, as shocked as Hyungwon. Hyungwon nods his head.

He stares at the picture Wonho just sent him and perhaps a light blush does start tinting his cheeks because fuck did Wonho actually looks really good blonde. Hyungwon keeps his phone back into his pocket and takes a huge gulp of his iced Americano to somewhat cool himself down.

"Hyung," Changkyun says after a while, sitting upright like he just thought of something. Hyungwon hums. "You've been with Wonho hyung for two years now, right?" Hyungwon hums another time. "How did you do it?"

"What do you mean?"

"How did you make it last this long? Was it hard?"

Hyungwon stills. He feels like he has been put in the spot right then and there. He didn't exactly know how to explain it all to Changkyun considering the youngest of the group knew nothing about the incident that had happened and he had not the slightest clue either about how both Hyungwon and Wonho were like back in high school.

The most Changkyun knows is that Hyungwon's personality had completely changed one day and he disregarded it to the fact that Hyungwon had simply matured and the love story between Wonho and Hyungwon that he had heard was that the couple had gotten together during Hyungwon's first year in university and they have been going _strong_ ever since.

That's the version of the story everyone in university knows.

"Um..." Hyungwon trails off with hesitancy as he tries to find the proper words to tell the younger without (somehow) eventually lying to him. "It was hard," Hyungwon admits vaguely.

" _'Hard'_ how?" Changkyun presses, getting more curious.

"I guess you can say that we were both just too afraid to admit our feelings for each other at the beginning..." Hyungwon trails off.

"Then what changed?"

 _Everything_ , Hyungwon wanted to say.

"We grew up," Hyungwon simply answers but for some reason, it sounded like a lie, a white lie of some sort. "We couldn't keep out feelings to ourselves anymore and it just happened."

Changkyun nods understandng the gist of it. "I heard Wonho hyung confessed first," Changkyun now says.

"He did." This isn't a lie. He can still remember the look Wonho had on his face, the certainty in his eyes, the love just oozing out of him as he confessed with such sincerity.

"I also heard it was really romantic."

 _Romantic?_ Hyungwon isn't too sure about that. But what he does know is that he never knew his heart was bleeding until the moment Wonho had kissed him that day and suddenly it was like he could feel the wounds painfully rubbing against each other the same moment he could finally breathe again. 


	16. 𝟏𝟒

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the long wait! Enjoy 💜

_"_ _Hi, Mrs Lee!" Hyungwon greeted._

_“Ah, Hyungwon-ah,” she said as she looked over her shoulder to see the aforementioned boy closing the front door. “Hoseok isn’t here yet,” she told him as the younger set his backpack on one of the sofas before entering the kitchen where Mrs Lee was._

_Hyungwon frowned slightly hearing this. Shownu had told him that Hoseok must’ve already left straight after school ended because nobody had seen him after the last class. And usually, Hyungwon and Hoseok would walk home together unless they’ve told each other otherwise and as far as Hyungwon knew he hadn’t gotten a single text from Hoseok telling him that he would be leaving early._

_But he decided to not dwell in it too much. Maybe Hoseok had somewhere else to be._

_“It’s alright, Mrs Lee. I can wait,” Hyungwon reassured. Hyungwon made himself at home like he usually would. He took a seat on one of the kitchen stools while Mrs Lee started preparing a light snack for Hyungwon._

_“So, how have you been? It’s been a while since you’ve dropped by. I was about to ask Hoseok to call over for dinner or something just to see you,” Mrs Lee said._

_“Aw Mrs Lee, I missed you guys too,” Hyungwon told her with a small pout. “Just been busy with school work,” Hyungwon said, drawing out a sigh to that._

_Mrs Lee brought over a plate filled with egg sandwiches and Hyungwon beamed wide, thanking her._

_“You should eat more, Hyungwon-ah,” Mrs Lee told him as she fondly watched the younger boy devour the sandwich as though he hadn’t eaten for long hours. Hyungwon mindlessly hummed then took another sandwich and shoved it into his mouth._

_“This is so good!” Hyungwon complemented with his mouth stuffed full and Mrs Lee shook her head at the younger’s antics._

_“Eat slowly, Hyungwon-ah. You don’t want to choke,” she warned him softly. Mrs Lee shakes her head at the younger’s antics but she couldn’t help the fond smile slipping from her lips._

_“How are your parents?” Mrs Lee asked now as she went back to arranging the plates into the cabinet._

_“Working too much as well,” Hyungwon said with a heavy sigh. “But they’re doing good too. Nothing out of the ordinary, you know?”_

_“Hyungwon?” Hyungwon heard Hoseok called and he quickly whipped his head around and his smile widened. “I didn’t know you were coming over,” the older mumbled out the last sentence._

_“Where were you?” Hyungwon asked, completely disregarding the older’s last statement. “I was looking everywhere for you at school. Shownu hyung told me you must’ve gone home so I came straight here.”_

_Hoseok stayed quiet as he made his way to sit on the stool next to Hyungwon._

_Mrs Lee had asked Hoseok if he wanted to snack on anything and she told him she could have it done once she was done arranging the plates but Hoseok just muttered a_ ‘no’ _and judging from how gloomy her son sounded, she knew that getting Hoseok to eat now would be impossible so she just let it be._

_Mrs Lee told them both that she would be heading out to the garden for a moment. She was sure to give Hoseok a kiss on his cheek and also she did not forget to give Hyungwon one as well, a common gesture done by her._

_“You didn’t answer me,” Hyungwon said to Hoseok, stuffing the last sandwich into his mouth._

_“Answer what?”_

_“Where were you after school?”_

_“Somewhere…” the older deadpanned dully which was so unlike him and Hyungwon was quick to pick up the odd mood from him._

_“Are you...okay?” Hyungwon asked instead of interrogating him further. Hoseok heaved out a sigh instead of giving an actual answer, which in itself was already an answer._

_Hoseok wasn’t okay._

_“Come here,” Hyungwon beckoned softly with his arms open wide, waiting for the older to come in. Hoseok stared up at the younger momentarily before he reluctantly got off his stool and leaned his frail body into the arms that wrapped him almost immediately._

_“Want to tell me what’s wrong?” Hyungwon whispered whilst gently caressing the older’s back._

_Hoseok hesitated. “It’s—It’s my grades…”_

_Hyungwon already knew how Hoseok thought about his grades and so he didn’t question him further. Instead, he squeezed the older into his embrace tighter._

_“Whatever it is, you’ve done your best and I’m proud of you,” Hyungwon told him with utmost sincerity._

_“But Hyungwon, it’s really b—”_

_“Hush!” Hyungwon shushed, drawing back from the embrace just enough to look at the older but not far enough to lose the warmth. “I”m proud of you and you can’t change my mind,” Hyungwon said stubbornly with a tint of a smile. Hoseok pouted at that._

_“Just get married already,” the voice behind teased and Hyungwon chuckled, knowing very well who it belonged to, while Hoseok’s cheeks were bruising red from the intense blush._

_“I wouldn’t mind having you as my father-in-law,” Hyungwon playfully added as he watched Mr Lee walk into the kitchen._

_“And I wouldn’t mind having you as my son-in-law,” Mr Lee quipped as he ruffled Hyungwon’s hair and Hoseok groaned. This wasn’t the first time that his parents had teased both Hoseok and Hyungwon about being together as a couple or even getting married at some point._

_Hoseok and Hyungwon didn’t mind. It was just that they both hadn’t known that whenever Hoseok’s parents would tease them, their hearts would stutter with a burning flaming of hope that maybe someday their words wouldn’t simply just be words._

_“So kiddo, your mom told me you’re all grouchy,” Mr Lee said, referring to Hoseok and Hoseok gave his father a glare, barely deathly, but he thought it should do something before he buried his face back into Hyungwon’s chest where he could feel the other’s chest vibrating from the silent chortles being emitted._

_Hyungwon always felt like he was a part of their family. That’s not to say that Hungwon does not have a great relationship with his own parents, but he does tend to get a little more lonely since his parents were always working and he was the only child. So spending after schools at Hoseok’s house with his parents was a normal routine for years now._

_Hyungwon loved his parents as much as he loved Hoseok’s parents. And Hoseok’s parents loved Hyungwon as their own. No doubt._

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

Hyungwon isn’t calm, and very much far from settled. He can feel his heart beating against his chest while his palms start to sweat as he desperately wrecks his brain trying to figure out what else both he and Wonho needed to buy even before getting to the grocery store.

“We need to get kimchi,” Hyungwon reminds Wonho just as Wonho pulls into a parking spot. The older chuckles at the younger’s mindless rambling of the list of things they need to get for tonight’s dinner with the older’s parents—an unexpected visit Hyungwon isn’t exactly looking forward to.

“And some leeks too,” Hyungwon adds as he gets down the car. He tries to remember everything that they don’t have in their pantry right off the top of his head by visualizing the actual pantry and trying to scan through with the best of his memory.

The older intertwines his hand with Hyungwon’s and is practically dragging him into the grocery store at this point considering the younger wasn’t moving, thinking a little too hard.

“Do we have garlic?” Hyungwon now asks when they walk into the _Produce Section_. He (frantically) scans around and when he sees that the _crushed garlic_ section is completely empty, he starts panicking a little more. “Oh God, Hoseok! They’re out of crushed garlic.”

“Love, hey,” Wonho calls. “I already bought crushed garlic last week,’ Wonho tells him, softy. He then delicately clamps both his palms against the younger’s cheeks before leaning in to place a brief peck on his lips. “Relax for me, okay?”

Hyungwon can listen to his words, but they quickly flow out of his ears as fast as they entered. He simply can _not_ relax.

“Your parents will be coming over in less than five hours yet here we are grocery shopping!” the younger exclaims with Wonho’s words falling completely deaf to his ears. “Why are we like this? Why do we do things so last—”

Wonho stops him once again with another peck on his lips.

“It would probably take max two hours to prepare everything which is umpteen time,” Wonho reassures him.

This time Hyungwon nods—somewhat reluctantly, giving clear indications that he had heard what the older said and that he understands, at least partially.

“Did you ask them what they would like to eat?” Hyungwon asks the older. Wonho shakes his head almost mindlessly, not really thinking much about that. Hyungwon groans. “Oh God, Sweets!” Hyungwon starts panicking once more. “I can’t cook and worst of all, we don’t even know what they want to eat. Why didn’t you—”

“Shh~” the older stops the younger gently. “You worry too much, love. It’s just _my_ parents.”

“Exactly! It’s _your_ parents. It’s bad enough that they’re not fond of me _anymore.._.” Hyungwon says, slowly trailing off softly at the last few words.

Hearing this, Wonho visibly frowns.

“Why would you say that, Love?” Hyungwon wants to get into it, how his parents just never looked at him the same after they met him a few years ago again, but he doesn’t.

“I just want them to like me,” is what Hyungwon finally whispers out, completely ignoring what Wonho had questioned him.

Wonho embraces the younger into his warm arms and places a kiss on top of his head.

“They already do,” Wonho reassures.

But Hyungwon is nowhere near convinced, not when their actions towards him no are so vividly clear in his mind. And the tug at Hyungwon’s heart is painful thinking back to how they all were together and how they are now.

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

Hyungwon is restless while he waits for Wonho’s parents to arrive. He did try to keep his itchy hands occupied by helping Wonho chop the necessary ingredients then he decided to sit on the kitchen stool while he watches Wonho’s back as the older busily prepares the dishes.

Hyungwon’s finger danced lazily over the surface of the glass in front of him as his mind would occasionally dart back and forth between past memories, thinking of how the dinner is going to turn out and at Wonho's mere action when cooking.

When the doorbell rings Hyungwon yelps out loud and jumps in his seat, clumsily knocking down the glass of water in front of him. Wonho is quick to look over his shoulder, not because he heard the doorbell but because he hears Hyungwon. He turns the stove off and goes to Hyungwon first.

“Fuck,” the younger curses as he quickly puts the glass standing right and hastily grabs the paper towels not too far away and quickly wipes the kitchen island dry.

“Love, are you okay?” Wonho asks, dripping with concern. Hyungwon only lets out a heavy sigh infused with dread. There is only one possibility of someone being at the door and he wishes he could crawl into a hole right now.

“Your parents are here.”

Wonho frowns slightly when Hyungwon didn’t directly answer his question. Wonho wants to ask again but the doorbell rings yet another time and almost instinctively Hyungwon grips onto Wonho’s biceps muttering another string of curses at himself for being so jumpy today.

“Coming!” Wonho yells.

But before he goes to answer the door, he wraps his arms around the younger, engulfing his smaller frame with his larger one, and Hyungwon sighs in content this time, nuzzling his face against the older’s chest, seeking the comfort he very much needs. Just as he feels Wonho loosening his grip around him, the younger tighten his own grip.

“Can’t we just stay like this forever…” Hyungwon whines and Wonho chuckles, squeezing his lover another time and plants a kiss on his right temple.

“I really need to get the door, my love,” Wonho whispers against his ear and Hyungwon lets out another dissatisfied whine but he knows they can’t stay that way forever, at least not now. Hyungwon reluctantly loosens his hold and drops his arms to his sides.

Wonho gives him one final smile, a small one—hoping to calm the younger’s nerves.

Hyungwon takes in a sharp breath as he closes his eyes momentarily. He grips onto the kitchen island to give him a steady hold for him to stand. When he turns to face the front door where Wonho already is, he sees the older hugging his mother now while Mr Lee shakes his head (almost in a disapproving manner) as he eyes Wonho’s hair.

“My goodness Hoseok, what is with this horrendous colour?” Mr Lee points out once he lets go of his mother’s embrace, eyeing Wonho’s very much damaged bleached hair.

Everything seems normal; the quirky remarks Wonho was giving to his parents’ questions, the light laughters emitting from all of them and Hyungwon didn’t mind standing where he is, even though it is awkward on his part, but if this is all they need to avoid any tension then so be it. He didn’t even mind disappearing into their bedroom and hoped that his absence would not be noticed (which is highly unlikely especially when Wonho is here).

The atmosphere quickly changes when Wonho closes the front door and he beckons his parents inside to meet Hyungwon—that’s when the tension quickly fogs the air. Wonho tells them that he will set the table while they talk to Hyungwon, minding so little of the thick uneasiness.

Hyungwon doesn’t know who to approach or to greet first. His feet are glued to the floor and his body refuses to make any movements, and he knows that if he leans away from the kitchen island then he might fall from how bad he is shaking.

The first gaze his eyes settle upon is Mrs Lee’s whose own gaze is already on Hyungwon, seeming she is _also_ debating on how to approach the younger or what to say. The most she offers is a small, hesitant smile and a barely noticeable nod before she walks past Hyungwon saying that she will help Wonho set the table as well.

Hyungwon feels the heavy drop of his heart.

He remembers how Mrs Lee would have the brightest smile just from seeing Hyungwon, yet now the smile is barely there and even if it is it didn’t seem at all genuine.

But he tries not to be too discouraged. For one, he should be used to this, they’ve become like this after meeting Hyungwon for so many years and yet Hyungwon can never let go of the fact that once, so many years ago, these exact people thought of Hyungwon as their own family—almost like their son even.

“Mr—Mr Lee, hi,” Hyungwon says, this time initiating the greeting himself with an added bow. Mr Lee looks at Hyungwon and the younger doesn’t miss the soft sigh leaving the elder’s lips.

“Hyungwon,” he greets back with a terse nod. His gaze stays on Hyungwon a little more and the younger is hoping that Mr Lee would say more and it looks like he wants to but then his gaze clouds over with something Hyungwon couldn’t quite grasp what it is before he looks away, walking over to Wonho instead.

And Hyungwon feels his heart clench.

The only parent figures he had in his life after his parents’ passing can’t even bear the mere sight of him.

But, maybe it is Hyungwon’s own fault too. He can’t deny that.

Dinner is okay for the most part, and that too because Hyungwon barely spoke a word, and if they strain their ears hard enough they would know that Hyungwon has only spoken two words thus far and that too to thank Wonho for passing the salad over to his side.

It is when both Wonho’s parents start bickering playfully over a random matter together is when Wonho finally turns to look at Hyungwon who has his head down while his loosely gripped spoon pushes the food around the plate. Wonho brings his hand over the younger’s thigh and squeezes them and it is then does Hyungwon lift his gaze only to meet the older’s.

What breaks Wonho’s heart is to see the younger smiling up at him; the smile barely reaches his eyes and it is forced.

Wonho takes Hyungwon’s free hand and brings it up to his lips, placing a lingering kiss on the skin under his lips.

“I love you,” Wonho tells him softly, just for Hyungwon’s ears. It is the only thing he can really say now.

He can’t say _‘it’s okay’_ because he knows the way his parents are treating Hyungwon is painful— someone whom Hyungwon once had good moments with is now barely speaking to him or let alone take one solid glance at him and Wonho can’t imagine the ache his heart is feeling.

He can’t even say _‘it’ll get better’_ because he isn’t even sure if it will. Before his parents came he could optimistically tell the younger to try and he thought that his parents would finally talk to Hyungwon normally (even when they are the ones that proposed to have dinner together to see how he and _Hyungwon_ are doing), but it’s almost the end of the night and nothing’s changed.

Hyungwon doesn’t know why his heart stuttered a little harder than usual hearing these words, it isn’t like Wonho has never said them before, but maybe after feeling so overwhelmed all this time hearing someone tell him that they love him is enough reassurance for Hyungwon.

Even if the entire world turns against him, he knows he can always rely on Wonho to be there for him, to love him, and hold him tight enough to keep him sane.

“I love you too,” he whispers back.

After dinner, Wonho and Mr Lee go to the living room and watch television. Hyungwon decides to stay back and help clear out the table while Mrs Lee offers to wash the dishes. Once the table has been cleared, Hyungwon stands by the table, silently watching Mrs Lee’s back as she quietly washes the dishes, not paying any mind to Hyungwon’s presence whatsoever.

He can’t help but think back to a time where he would run to her and hug her while she does the dishes and she would playfully scold him for scaring her like that but then, later on, tells Hyungwon to wait by the dinner table and she would bring over whatever snacks she had made.

He misses that—just like so many other things he misses.

“Let—Let me help,” Hyungwon squeaks after finally having the courage to drag his heavy-weighted feet towards Mrs Lee. Mrs Lee nonchalantly turns around and her gaze lands on the younger briefly before she goes back to the dishes.

“It’s not much. Don’t worry about it,” she tells him, tone plain flat and she does not spare him another glance his way.

“I—I can help with—with wiping the plates,” Hyungwon offers now.

“Hyungwon, just go to the living room. I got this,” she tells him.

Hyungwon ignores the jab in his heart. He wants to say more, be a little bit more persistent but he knows it’ll only hurt more trying to convince Mrs Lee because he also knows what an adamant woman she is.

He eventually makes his way into the living room and Wonho instantly beckons him silently into his arms and at this point, Hyungwon doesn’t waste a second to be close to the older. Wonho can also tell how despondent Hyungwon had become from his parents’ behaviour. As Hyungwon rests against his embrace, Wonho is sure to hold him close and tight while he talks casually with his father. Hyungwon was listening to the conversation but then is quick to get lost in his own thoughts.

Wonho isn’t stupid, of course he notices the thick tension between Hyungwon and his parents.

He has first noticed the way his parents had been treating Hyungwon the very first time he brought the younger home after a really long time and the noticeable three-hundred-sixty shift in their behaviour isn’t something Wonho let slip the first time. He did confront his parents about it but they always told him that _‘we could never hate Hyungwon’_.

Yet every single time Hyungwon and his parents meet, the encounters aren’t all that pleasant with Hyungwon mostly going silent for the most part as he slowly dissolves into the background, blending in with their shadows eventually and whenever Wonho does try to include the younger into conversations but somehow Hyungwon always manages to keep himself out.

When it’s time for his parents to leave Wonho had asked the younger to come along and escort them to their car with him but he declines and Wonho isn’t going to push him like before, not after seeing how tonight went.

Wonho is itching to ask his parents yet at the back of his mind, he has a hunch of why his parents are acting this way towards Hyungwon and he doesn’t know if he wants to know that actual answer or not especially not when his instincts tell him that it is tied closely to _the incident_ , something he _always_ avoids talking.

“Hyungwon—” his mother starts and Wonho’s attention quickly averts to her at the mention of his lover’s name and he is ready to defend him (if needed). “Please take care of him, okay?” his mother says, baffling Wonho altogether.

“Tell him to eat properly too,” his father adds. “He’s much skinnier than when we last saw him. The weather is getting colder and he easily gets sick this time of the year so make sure he’s always dressed warmly.”

Wonho is, of course, confused. This itself isn’t new. Every single time Hyungwon’s encounter with his parents would go south yet every single time his parents never fails to surprise him with concerning and such caring words like this for his lover, one who is so convinced that his parents hate him now.

But in the end, Wonho can only dumbly nod and say, “I will.”

His parents don't hate Hyungwon, not after telling him to take care of him and especially not after knowing that his parents still remember how Hyungwon was and is still concerned about his well being.

His parent’s don’t hate Hyungwon, he knows this much, but he doesn’t understand why they are treating Hyungwon like this.

As soon as Wonho is back in the apartment he sees Hyungwon sitting by the kitchen island, lost in his thoughts once more. He circles his arms around the younger’s and he hears Hyungwon emitting a tired sigh as he leans back into the older’s chest.

The night didn’t go as they both had planned and he knows that Hyungwon is especially tired after everything.

After a much needed silent moment close together Wonho tells the younger that he will prepare tea for the both of them and before he completely leaves the younger he places a kiss behind his ear and one right between his brows.

“Sweets,” Hyungwon, finally, calls. The older hums, looking over his shoulder momentarily at his lover before going back to fill the kettle with water. “Do they know?” the younger asks softly, hesitancy dripping thickly.

Hyungwon doesn’t know why he never thought to ask this question years ago, and the sudden thought to ask it now resurfaced. He doesn’t know if it’ll do any good if he were to know the answer.

“Know what, Love?” Wonho asks gently. He starts the kettle then goes to lean against the kitchen island right in front of Hyungwon, waiting patiently for the younger’s clarification.

“About—” Hyungwon pauses. Wonho gives him a small nod, encouraging him to continue. “About—about me…” Hyungwon trails off rather vaguely and Wonho frowns with confusion, trying to understand what the younger means.

“About _that_ day?” Hyungwon clarifies.

Wonho stills completely, eyes going dark and Hyungwon sees how Wonho’s expression visibly changes so fast. A strong frown now etched on his forehead with his lips pressed into a thin line.

“Why are you suddenly bringing this up?” Wonho deadpans, tone anything but sweet or gentle, but rather tight, stern, and clearly displeased—the complete opposite of just minutes before.

This isn’t the first time that Hyungwon brings up the topic of that day’s _incident_ and only two other people close to him really knew what happened (that he knew off anyways); that being Minhyuk and of course, Wonho himself.

Hyungwon never really had problems when talking to Minhyuk about the day, it’s more of the other comforting him the best he can, trying to bring Hyungwon out of his heavy guilt. While Wonho, whenever the topic is brought up, it ends with the older punching the closest wall or throwing something to vent his anger. But he never does anything to harm Hyungwon, which only leaves Hyungwon to conclude that Wonho is venting all the anger he has of his own self.

“I want to know,” the younger persists now, standing on his feet.

“It doesn’t matter. That’s not important,” Wonho dismisses.

“Who are you to decide if it’s important or not?” Hyungwon states stubbornly. When the older hears the tick of the kettle he quickly turns around, beady eyes looking away from Hyungwon. “Hoseok, you can’t keep being like _this_ whenever I try to bring this up.”

“Being like what?” he barks as he slams the cup that he took slightly harder than needed to on the counter.

“Like whatever the fuck you are doing now,” Hyungwon says frustratingly. Wonho huffs, ignoring the younger’s words. He continues making the tea without giving a single response to what the younger is asking of him.

“Are you not going to say anything?” Wonho stays silent as he pours the hot water into the mug. “Hoseok,” Hyungwon calls, but older remains stubborn as well. “Are you fucking with me right now?”

“What do you want me to say, Hyungwon, huh? What the fuck do you want to say about that day?” Wonho roars angrily as he turns around to glare at the younger.

“Just tell me if your parents know. That’s all I’m fucking asking.”

“What good is it going to do if you do know?” the older ripostes, curling his hand into fists to contain his irritation of the subject at hand.

“Maybe I’ll understand then why your father can barely look at me in the eyes or why your mother looks at me with such pity!” Hyungwon finally snaps.

Wonho’s eyes are wide, lips parted feeling utterly dumbfounded. But he was too consumed with his own anger.

He isn’t angry at Hyungwon, no, Wonho is angry at himself. He is angry at the fact that that incident even happened in the first place. He is so fucking livid for the things that had happened to Hyungwon and that he was so useless to do anything then. He blames himself and only himself and talking about it only makes him hate himself even more.

He didn’t need to be reminded of that incident when he is living the consequences of what happened from that day every single day now. He may have the love of his life in his mere grasps yet so many other _good_ things had been stripped off, not only from him but also from Hyungwon—that angers him too.

Instead of trying to resolve the problem at hand, Wonho walks away. The older knows that he can’t cool down, not that fast at the moment and he doesn’t want to get into a much heavier and heated argument with Hyungwon because it’ll only break both their hearts even more.

So the best he can think of is walking out the front door, leaving Hyungwon to stare at the place he once stood a minute too long before releasing a defeated sigh then curling his body into a squat, hugging his knees close to his chest while he tries to cool down himself as well.

Wonho always told him that they are okay, but the cracks are slowly getting bigger and Hyungwon is starting to realise that as _‘okay’_ as they may seem, they aren’t, not the way they think they are or hoped to be. 


End file.
